The Director General of a top television station has announced that they will inject £10million into SUTV prior to its launch which is thought to be in September. The announcement came this morning and it appears that the decision was made after seeing the enormous majority in favour of SUTV in a poll on The Gown website. More people voted in this particular poll than have ever voted in a Gown poll before.

BY BOBBY DISK

UPDATE: April Fool

In fact, sources close to the Union believe that the creator of the SUTV dream, which is now worth millions, President elect, Gareth McGreevy, encouraged his peers to vote ‘yes’ in the poll which asked website users whether or not it was justified to spend £30,000 on the project. Some are comparing this to the fraud which took place during the recent student election when the law/GAA ticket was caught texting people requesting QOL sign-in details in a bid to gain votes unfairly.

The Director General criticised The Gown in his announcement today, with particular focus on an opinion piece regarding SUTV a couple of weeks ago. He remarked that it was most unprofessional for an editor to approve a piece which questioned those in authority. “Journalism is about supporting the status quo and ensuring that those people in authority remain unchallenged in all that they do,” he said.

It was clear that the fact that the majority of those involved in SUTV have no previous television training, and that the project has yet to be properly tested, were two of the main attractions. “We believe that donating £10m to a project which hasn’t even been tested out in a minimal scale is a great idea. Why should they have tested the project out? It’s only money. We are in the midst of an economic boom. There is too much money around, and injecting millions into untested projects is the future,” he said.

McGreevy, who is rumoured to be in the running to be the next Director General, is delighted at the huge cash injection, and is busy receiving honorary degrees from American and Asian universities. However, SUTV volunteers are said to be feuding over planned projects for September. One volunteer said, “It’s not fair. I said I wanted to do the Arctic expedition first. Now I’ve been relegated to the Mount Everest documentary coverage.”

Inside reports suggest that there will be further office shake-ups and that the entire 2nd and 3^rd floors of the Students’ Union building will be taken over by SUTV. Some fear that the building will become a TV station exclusively.