The Gown Student Newspaper at Queen's University Belfast

REVIEW: Immortal no more

What’s this? Hollywood’s take on ancient Greece AGAIN. Well it can’t be that bad right? Right?

BY JIRHE OKUGHENI

To summarise the plot (warning: spoilers aplenty), some bloodthirsty idiot called Hyperion (played by Mickey Rourke) and his army are killing innocents across Greece, just because they can. They’re trying to search for a Bow which’ll mean Hyperion will overthrow the Gods and therefore rule the world. Okay so far so good. They continue destroying stuff, until they reach a village were a man called Theseus gets pissed because his mother was killed at the hands of Hyperion, in a rather anticlimactic fashion. This is after some soldier (who never really gets much focus) decides to betray the village army due to numerous anger management issues. Obviously after the death of his mother Theseus goes out of his way to avenge her.

Meanwhile Hyperion tries to and eventually these semi- naked women who are led by the Oracle. The Oracle can see visions because of her ‘purity’ Hyperion wants here to find the Bow. Okay, so this is when things start to get really weird and stupid and this will be quite brief.

Somehow Theseus is captured, but both, the Oracle and some random Scottish sounding guy escape at the expense of the Oracle’ female support group. Then a lot of random stuff happens, the Oracle sleeps with Thesus, because she wants to be ‘normal’ or some crap like that. Spitting in the face of the sacrifices her women helpers made. After this, the Oracle is pretty useless and is just there for show. She doesn’t even find the Bow. Theseus ‘stumbles’ across it in some cave accidently, and thus rendering the first half of the movie absolutely pointless. Unfortunately, he loses the bow to Hyperion, who then proceeds to unleash some weird monsters who the Gods (i.e. Zeus) could have killed, but decided to lock in a big box for no apparent reason. The Gods then aid Theasus in fighting these beasts, while Theasus fights Hyperion and his sidekick fights a horde of Hyperion army. One landslide later they win. The End.

If you like pointless action with no real substance or story, give Immortal a shot. Everyone else stay very much away.

Tags: Immortal, Jirhe Okugheni

This entry was posted on Monday, December 19th, 2011 at 7:19 pm and is filed under Arts + Ents. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.