2011 can be considered a good year in film, if you take a view that makes a few glaring omissions. While Hollywood stumbles on with its incessant remakes, reboots, re-imaginings, sequels, prequels, threequels and adaptations vibrant and vital filmmaking continues to come from other avenues.

BY MATTHEW MCKERNAN

While the extremely successful Harry Potter franchise ended in July and November saw the beginning of the end of The Twilight Saga, Hollywood looks like it might be losing its key tent pole films. Though a brief scan of the film’s due for a 2012 release makes it clear that the blockbuster format has not yet been exhausted.

Yet there was some indication of blockbuster fatigue in the UK box office. Palme D’Or winner The Tree of Life managed to hold a place in the Top 10 for three weeks, despite competition from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part Two and Transformers: Dark of the Moon. Being a rather difficult art film and certainly a hard sell, despite the presence of Brad Pitt, the film’s success at the box office was telling.

Similarly, The Guard did good business, retaining a place in the UK box office for five weeks despite only being released in Northern Ireland. A hit domestically, the film also travelled well with good reviews across the UK and the US. A good sign for a domestic Irish cinema and proof that there is an international market for homegrown cinema.

2011 saw yet another comeback for Woody Allen with Midnight in Paris. Neither the critics nor the box office takings have been kind to Woody Allen recently, despite his work being of a fairly consistent quality since the Seventies. Midnight in Paris has proven to be a success with the critics and became Woody Allen’s high-grossing film so far.

It was an interesting year in censorship. Following on from last year’s Last House on the Left remake, this year saw the release of yet another remake of a Video Nasty. This time it was I Spit On Your Grave. For those who don’t know, the Video Nasties were a collection of 60 horror and thriller films banned seemingly at random by the BBFC due to pressure from an outraged tabloid press. While the original I Spit On Your Grave was banned outright, the remake was passed with cuts made, while the similar Straw Dogs remake was passed uncut. On top of this, the notorious Cannibal Holocaust was given a wide DVD re-release with many of the cut sequences reinstated. It seemed as if censorship guidelines had slipped until the arrival of The Human Centipede II: Full Sequence, which was banned outright by the BBFC. It was eventually released cut by two and a half minutes. This banning was a controversial reminder that films still can go too far.

Sadly, 2011 also saw the deaths of many significant people from the older generations of cinema. Amongst them were Elizabeth Taylor, Edward Hardwicke, Ken Russell, Sidney Lumet, Anna Massey, Peter Falk, John Neville, Michael Gough, Jane Russell, Maria Schneider, John Barry, Susannah York, Peter Yates and Pete Postlewaith.

Old habits die hard here in Northern Ireland. Some of the more dangerous habits have been kicked, but deep rooted attitudes are proving a lot harder to shift.

BY COLIN WILLIAMSON
There is no doubt that we live in a far more peaceful and stable state, but it would seem that the main protagonists in our political pantomime just can’t help themselves when the opportunity arises to indulge in a bit of good old fashioned tribalism.
An examination of the actions and words of those who sit up on the hill at Stormont reveals a host of contradictions. In political terms, talk is cheap and change is expensive: Northern Ireland’s leaders seem unwilling to pay the price of true reconciliation.
The recent DUP conference was a snapshot that revealed so much. Peter Robinson took to the stage and spoke grandly of “all of us” together, a bold statement of intent for a future where the unthinkable prospect of Catholics voting for the party founded by the self-styled scourge of Rome, Ian Paisley, could become a reality. Contrast this with the performance of his right hand man, Finance Minister Sammy Wilson, who kept the party faithful happy by reverting to low brow jokes at the expense of Republican hunger strikers. Clearly money doesn’t buy taste.
Robinson himself is not averse to falling back behind party lines. The recent arguments surrounding the proposed reforms to the prison service produced his extraordinary threat to resign if royal symbols were discarded.
Sinn Fein like to play the game as well. Niall O’Donnaghaile was swept into office as the youngest ever Mayor of Belfast. The fresh faced First Citizen promised to represent all the people of the city. Clearly this didn’t extend to a young female army cadet whom he snubbed at a Duke of Edinburgh awards presentation.
Sinn Fein speak of ‘The North’ or ‘the six counties.’ Unionists have claimed the title of ‘Ulster,’ ignoring its three southern counties. The city of Derry/Londonderry looks destined to remain ever thus whilst the naming arguments continue. Debates rage about the use of the Irish Language and Ulster-Scots. The Union Flag v The Tri-colour, St Patrick’s Day v The Twelfth, Lily v Poppy: symbolism and language are the new weapons of combat and our politicians are all too keen to wield them on the front line.
All the while we are experiencing the worst economic downturn in a generation. People have taken to the streets to voice their concern about those things which really affect our lives: jobs, pensions, health and education. The paraphernalia of sectarianism may still influence the politics of those in office, but they need to realise what really matters to us.
We live in a culture of fear, perhaps no longer of guns and bombs, but of change. The retreat behind out-dated values is the safety zone for our big political parties. To talk of change is one thing, to act on it is to risk losing the loyal core.
The leap of faith needs to come from voters. We too can fear change, resorting at election time to addressing ‘the constitutional question’ rather than real world problems. It will take a leap of faith, but it’s ours to make. In one of the great paradoxes of life: where we lead, our leaders will follow.

It’s that time of year again; the Christmas decorations go up and the Continental market comes to Belfast. It’s one of the many examples of German-themed Christmas markets that are replicated all over the UK, but how authentic is it, and why are we are we so obsessed with the old-style version of Christmas?

BY KATHLEEN PEDERSEN

As we all know the market consists of many exotic stalls that sell everything from Native American themed dream catchers, to kangaroo burgers. With such a wide variety of items on sale, you might start to wonder if this is just another form of commercialism attached to the festive season.

Genuine “authentic” German Christmas market in places such as Cologne are actually pretty similar to the version we have right here in Belfast; the combination of a distinctive merry theme, complete with over-priced goods.

However, it is clear how the Belfast market has been adapted to suit Irish tastes. In Germany the only alcoholic beverage they traditionally sell at the markets is glühwein (mulled wine), whereas in Belfast the main attraction appears to be the huge beer tent.

With each successive year the variety of goods expand to yet another far-flung country, perhaps why this market is described as “Continental” and not German. Nevertheless the emergence of these markets all over the UK has had positive effect for the German tourist board, as after people have had a taste for a traditional Christmas they flock to cities such as Frankfurt and Aachen.

The fact that a German Christmas is supposed to be much more traditional than we experience in Britain and Ireland has perhaps been exploited in order for us to simply spend even more money during Christmas. Some families are so desperate to make their Christmas less commercialised that they are willing to fork out more money on the German ideal. Should we not just be content with our own traditions even if they have become modernised and the focus has been moved away from religion? Whether this is actually the case, it cannot be denied that the Continental market is a good Christmassy day out, even if you can’t afford to buy anything there other than an over-priced pint of beer and a crêpe.

It has become hackneyed to point out that MTV (which stands for ‘Music Television’, in case you weren’t aware) no longer plays music videos. And it’s a justified cliché too, one that makes up the bulk of why MTV has apparently lost its relevancy, but sadly it appears the company’s greatest crime is the inability to live up to its legacy.

BY LEE BRADY

MTV was first aired in 1981 and became an almost-instant success in the USA. The innovation of a channel devoted to music and the public introduction to the music video, brought great support from both viewers and the music industry alike. Its introduction to the world acted as a booster pack for what was a three-year decline of sales within the music industry. Music videos let people connect with their music in a far more accessible form than going to see a concert. This wide appeal brought record sales through the roof, which in turn allowed record companies to invest in more musicians and so expand the industry’s appeal. By 1984, MTV was on top of the world.

Today, MTV is a mixed bag. It still benefits the music industry. Their award ceremonies often celebrate the biggest vogue acts and encourage the masses to support music as a whole. Their removal of music in order to show more profitable reality shows is as corporate as it is embarrassing. Forgoing their old image and attitudes, reality shows such as Jersey Shore and A Day in the Life of [Insert Little Known Attractive D-List Celebrity], as well as semi-reality shows like Plain Jane, in which they take girls who are supposedly middling-attractive, tell them they’re unattractive and process them so they can impress a stereotypical American boy. MTV stands tall as it delivers the message: integrity does not a dollar make.

The sad truth seems to suggest exactly that. MTV still rake in huge sums of money every year through advertising and show-coverage, while the music industry suffers blow after blow. The internet came and stole MTV’s stick by offering more accessible music, and rather than rise to the occasion, they backed out and kept as much money as they could. It seems like a shame too because if anything was to bring music back to people and help the industry evolve out of its current rut, there’s no doubt MTV would have the best shot at it.

BY SHANE MELAUGH

Striking out on your own and managing your own expenses is a difficult task that everyone has to deal with, and at university you’re getting your first taste of life without your family to fall back on. By the end of October, you’re all patting yourselves on the back and congratulating each other on a well-made curry, finally learning how that strange white contraption in the corner people call a washing machine works. Yet, you will soon be feeling the strain on your wallet due to the oversight many of us make when we first strike out on our own: the energy bill.

We’ve all experienced that horrifying moment when we realise that tomorrow we might not have power or fuel to heat a shower because it’s our housemate’s turn to pay their share. And with this year seeing rocketing electricity costs, leaving many households spending an extra £90 on electricity alone, and the volatile pricing in oil and gas fluctuating more than Kim Kardashian’s marital status, it’s time we took charge of our energy usage and ensure we’re warm this winter.

Ensure that your radiators are bled properly, if you don’t know how to do it you can ask a friend or your landlord to help. Airlocked radiators waste energy and never heat a house properly, so why pay for heat you aren’t getting?

The timer for your heater should be your  new best friend. You know what its like to get out of bed in the morning, your room is freezing, so you run down stairs turn the heating on and prepare for class. By the time the house has warmed up you’re about to walk out the door and no-one gets the benefit of the heat. The best thing to do is use the heating timer and set it for about half an hour before you wake up. The downside is you might find it harder to get up and go to a crowded lecture hall when the other option is to stay in a nice warm bed.

Why work in your house and waste all that precious energy when you could go to the library? Make use of the free internet, array of helpful books and it’s always heated – sorted. Always charge your phone in the library.

A good way to ensure that you have your housemates involved is to have regular house meetings well in advance of the bills coming out and ensure money is paid upfront and in full. This works best if someone is placed in charge to keep on top of management.  And if all else fails, steal your neighbours’ internet and live in the library.

Belfast City Council and the Northern Ireland Tourist Board contributed £870,000 to bring the EMAs to Belfast on 5 November. An event like this has a lot of power behind it and with 1.2 billion viewers tuning in all over the world, all eyes were on Belfast.

BY PRIYA BIRING

Benefits to the economy and tourism were a given. The award show accounted for more than 8,000 hotel room nights at forty hotels providing accommodation for crew, artists and VIP guests – a much needed boost for the struggling sector. More than ninety local businesses got work from the awards show, more local suppliers than have worked on any other EMA event. As well as recruiting all of its show runners and backstage coordinators from Belfast, the EMAs worked with businesses, ranging from internet and ISDN providers, photocopier hire companies, taxi and chauffeur businesses, production managers, event staff, security, catering, audio visual, venue branding, food concessions, furniture, riggers, restaurant and fencing companies.

Estimates suggest that the EMAs bring in around £10 million for the host city, directly and indirectly, and there is a lot of competition to stage the annual showbiz bash.

Lord Mayor, Councillor Niall Ó Donnghaile, said to expect announcements of major events coming to the city in the weeks ahead. He stated: “MTV are already coming back next year for a major concert on the slipways near to the iconic new Titanic Belfast building and they said to me they want to maintain the links with Belfast and build on the success of the past few days – it was their most successful EMAs ever.”

With Belfast attracting attention from international filmmakers and our own home-grown talent getting attention from overseas, Belfast is turning into a hub of arts and culture.  Then next year, we have the opening of Titanic Belfast and the accompanying series of major events throughout 2012, including the Olympic flame coming to Belfast on the 3rd and 6th June – the only city it will visit twice outside of London.

The people of Belfast are pushing their city toward being an advancing and developing place that has a stake in Europe and the world. Belfast has used the EMAs as a stage to showcase their capabilities.  We have seized the opportunity and can now bask in the success and glory of our achievement, in our city.

When you look back on your childhood and early adolescence, there’s a big chance that many of your brightest memories will contain the hypnotic tinge of the television set. Most of us will remember those Saturday mornings, sneaking downstairs before everyone else, to sample a dose of Live and Kicking, SM:TV Live or Den TV. Even now we can’t shake off the influence of Dustin the Turkey or the Animaniacs, as someone on those nights out takes it upon themselves to be the comedian extraordinaire, playing their well-worn repertoire of impersonations and recycled jokes garnered from the shows that made them giggle all those years ago.

BY ROMANO MULLIN

But what about the assortment of television shows available for today’s hordes of youngsters? According to a recent report by Ofcom, it may be a bit redundant for anxious parents to censor their children’s viewing habits. Apparently, most young teenagers would rather lose their television than their mobile phone. Many in the group surveyed said they would prefer watching their favourite shows on iPlayer or YouTube instead of when they are broadcast – when they’re clearly busy texting on the latest smart phone anyway.

But the truth is that the quality of home-grown children’s television is improving. Most students know this because we spend a large chunk of our hangovers listlessly wasting away in front of Horrible Histories or Peppa Pig. The addictive Horrible Histories won a British Comedy Award and has now made the transition to ‘grown up’ TV, with narration by Stephen Fry: a seal of approval if ever there was one. And if you haven’t caught Young Dracula, you’ve now got the chance to see the newly commissioned third series of Vlad and his wacky breather friends.

However, for the youngest viewers, things are a tad crazier. Most of us will recall Rosie and Jim, Postman Pat and if we’re not too ashamed to admit we watched it at the ripe old age of eight or nine, the Teletubbies. It was probably the Teletubbies that spawned a generation of exasperating, mind-numbingly weird shows that are required by some arcane televisual law to be brightly coloured, and unable to speak coherent English. Or any other language, for that matter.

Those who’ve spent their time babysitting will know the seventh circle of hell that is Waybuloo or In The Night Garden. The Morbegs may have seemed wacky, but at least they didn’t look like products of a bad acid trip.

In fairness, the Waybuloos are pretty laid back creatures, spending their days singing harmless ditties and doing exercises known as “yogo”, which parents are encouraged to emulate with their children. If nothing else, a few episodes will tire the little devils out and give frazzled parents an hour or two of peace and quiet.

In this complex age of digital innovation and singing Hannah Montana lunchboxes, it’s only natural for the nineties kids among us to wish for a simpler time. Boxsets of Sooty and Sweep are readily available for those clinging to their youth in these times of pending adulthood.

Standing at 37.5 metres high and 30 metres wide, ‘RISE’ is the largest public artwork piece ever commissioned in Northern Ireland. Construction was completed in September 2011 and the mega-structure can be found on the Broadway Roundabout.

BY MATT GILLEN

Nottingham-based artist, Wolfgang Buttress, created the winning design for an international competition that provided more than forty artists with the chance to build a social space artwork in Belfast. Its two geodesic spheres represent the rising of the sun and new hope for Belfast’s future.  The structural supports are fashioned in the shape of reeds, reflecting the area’s natural heritage of the neighbouring Bog Meadows. It symbolises the heralding of a new dawn for Belfast, all the while jettisoning its troubled history in favour of a brighter future.

Despite the good intentions, the piece has been subject to divided public opinion. Some view the art as a great addition to the city’s culture and tourist attractions, others believe it to be a waste of money. In total the structure cost £486,000 to build, which was provided by three parties. The bulk of the money, £330,000, was donated from Department for Social Development, £100,000 from the Arts Council of Northern Ireland and £56,000 from Belfast City Council.

Residents of the Falls area have claimed that the money could have been better invested, particularly in housing regeneration. Belfast City Council have countered this by stating that the project has helped to sustain 140 jobs and 85 per cent of the budget has been spent in Northern Ireland on materials for the galvanised wires, which were from local steel company M. Hasson and Sons Ltd. in Rasharkin . They have also stated that if it weren’t for ‘RISE’, the £100,000 from the Arts Council would have been lost, as that money could only have been invested in art and nothing else.

Belfast City Council states that: “It aims to help revitalise Belfast, bringing a new focus to the area and projecting a vibrant, confident image of the city.” In other words: more tourism, more money and hopefully a better economic future for Belfast.  As much as we all wish for the benefit of our city, the outcome of this aim is questionable. It only takes a shift of the eye to recognise that Belfast is already a culturally, religiously and ethnically diverse city and that our tourist levels are stable.

The addition of this new piece may, in the end, have an opposite effect of its intentions. It has already been dubbed ‘The Balls on the Falls’ and ‘The Westicles’. Though the witty puns in these nicknames can be appreciated, as ambassadors of our city do we wish to be known in foreign countries for such humour?

This is especially the case in such a time of financial crisis, in that Belfast needs to take a road in a profitable direction if it ever wishes to reach the new dawn that it desires. Sensible financial investment in the city is required, especially when it comes from tax payers’ money, many of whom have noticed the shiny new streetlights being erected right beside the perfectly functioning old ones, which haven’t been removed for that matter.

If there is a single fault that can be defined with ‘RISE’, then it is certainly its design. Social art provides a fantastic face lift for any city, but the piece itself seems to fall short of its potential.  Instead of complementing the city, it seems to overwhelmingly dominate our relatively open skyline. Perhaps a tall, subtle and less robust design would have made the perfect landmark.

BY THE HOOD

Whatever anyone else thinks Ewok McShane just wanted all those pretty girls who give him all those hickies to help make his brother’s wedding cheaper. What else should he be doing on a VP Clubs and Socs Facebook? Posting results or training times? If he did then least then somebody would be doing it.

Jedi Jim finally appeared in person. Wow. Starstruck ‘R’ Us. Presenting an award at the SU is definitely better than getting to host Countdown, definitely.

I discovered by the library that a degree is worthless. If you want to meet girls be a fireman. That road safety display taught me a lot; get fit and get a uniform. That’s the way to a girl’s heart.

If you fancy a gander at our esteemed VP Campaigns and Communications looking suitably horrified in close up have a wee search for the UTV footage of the car crash.  Sixteen seconds in, there she is.  I’ve never seen someone look more concerned for the welfare of actors.

CEO’s and Ho’s was always going to get complaints. What’s surprising is how it was only the feminists that went after them, grammar Nazis are usually at the forefront with their giant red pen. But then that wouldn’t have matched the pink of the word “Ho’s”.

Some people seemed to enjoy the idea of CEO’s and Ho’s anyway.  When it was raised at council Nigel Macauley guffawed with laughter along with the rest of his cohort.  Either it was at the name, at the fact there’s a feminist society or at the political correctness brigade.  Whatever it was, it didn’t stand him in good stead, I overheard one councillor commenting: “He’s as sexist as fuck!”  At least we know the UUP is in good hands in the future, its decline is assured.

Tyler McNally, everyone’s favourite Trot, was overheard saying: “The most important thing to me, after fighting the cuts, is KFC.”  I can only hope that there’s a different KFC to the one I think of; you know the one that happens to be a massive multinational corporation, falls foul of tonnes of regulations in terms of animal welfare and pays its workers a pittance. I wonder how much they pay in tax? Keep on fighting the power Tyler.

The SU’s Weekend Takeover now takes over Thursdays too. No one ever went home on a Thursday really, they stayed up for the ride. And not on thon mechanical bull.

Whoever said Detroit was the city to be for arts and creativity has clearly never been to Belfast. In the wake of the EMA Awards, the unveiling of the new Titanic museum, and a number of art venues popping up all over the city, it’s clear that Belfast is well-known for more than just its turbulent past. Australian-born and Belfast-based artist Teelah George recently launched a collection of her latest artwork at the Lawrence Street Workshops, located just off-campus from Queen’s University.

BY JANETTE LOUGHLIN

George started out teaching in the Fremantle Arts Centre, Perth, where she had the opportunity to create her own beginner’s drawing course as part of the centre’s curriculum. From there, George received an artist’s residency in one of Cushendall’s art galleries, before moving to Belfast where she has lived for the past two years.

Her recent exhibition at the Lawrence Street Workshops gave individuals a taste for her unique work. Focusing her art around handmade, original designs, George emphasises the way in which her art is not overly conceptual; it gives the observer complete freedom to interpret each piece differently.

Many of the techniques George uses involve using recycled, economic materials; from watercolour paper to linens, to everyday domestic materials, the range of mediums used highlight a keen eye for detail and awareness of wider global issues, both in form and content. As George says: “Art has that ability to change, it makes you notice reality more.”

Using a variety of materials and techniques such as felt, cloth and crochet, George’s experiences in using tactile materials to create still life representations of art have created an overall motif for her work. In developing a material language, and by relating the anatomical with the botanical, George’s visions come together to represent something meaningful and relate ideas to the wider world. She says: “Art has this reciprocal relationship that creates a narrative.”

Speaking about the cultural changes between her life in Perth and Belfast, George explained the differences in funding for the arts. “With more money invested in the arts in Australia compared to the UK,” she says, “it sometimes feels like there was more of an artists’ community in Australia.” But given the recent emergence of the arts in the past ten years especially, it’s clear that Northern Ireland is well on its way to establishing itself alongside other contemporary creative cities.

BY ROMANO MULLIN

What the appeal behind Frankie may be, I don’t know. Perhaps girls like a man who looks like he smells vaguely of urine and unwashed bed sheets. Perhaps being immortalised on his bottom is enough to make any woman swoon, but it certainly doesn’t make up for Frankie’s serious lack of talent. His bottom wasn’t enough to save him from the wrath of the X Factor producers either, even if his bum notes went past an apparently tone-deaf public without too much concern.

However, talk about Frankie’s train wreck vocals, his faintly sinister grin and his Titanic-esque lifestyle is well-worn and has been banged out on typewriters and keyboards in every newspaper office in the country. Gossip columns have relished in his boozy antics, the morally upright brigade have roared that he’s a sign of the anti-Christ, and he’s even been declared a walking STI. Men, lock up your daughters, wives and grandmothers.

What our eminent media industry seems to have missed is one important fact: Frankie Cocozza, loath as I am to admit it, is a victim. A victim of a celebrity obsessed culture gone too far, sure, but who isn’t? A victim of excruciatingly tight jeans, of course, but he’s also a victim of bullying, and perhaps worse, a victim of fascination.

You would think we’ve learnt something from the appalling waste of talent that was Amy Winehouse, but a few moments perusal over the tabloids and even the inner pages of broadsheets, shows that we’re no wiser now than when poor beleaguered Amy was spilling onto the street in blood stained ballet pumps. We’re still in love with watching a life go down the chute. No doubt someone will tell us there’s a deep seated, evolutionary explanation to this kind of compulsion, but we’re also compelled deep down to smash the brains in of the nearest predator, but most of us have outgrown that.

You can argue that Frankie put himself forward knowingly into the spotlight, and there’s no denying that. No-one forced him to sing, and certainly no-one forced him to tell us about the sixty four women he’s (allegedly) slept with. But what do you expect from a teenager? Frankie Cocozza is a mouthy, swaggering, and slightly creepy eighteen year old, but even he doesn’t deserve to be publicly crucified on the front pages. What eighteen year old boy doesn’t exaggerate his sexual experience, or crow about his apparently “edgy” lifestyle?

It’s easy for the public to jeer at the expense of the participants in shows like the X Factor or the seemingly indestructible Big Brother. They live in the most glittery of goldfish bowls, surrounded by a swarm of ravenous paparazzi and screeching fans. But once the curtain of publicity falls away, what’s left for people like Frankie Cocozza? Newspaper headlines are harder to erase than fifteen minutes of fame, and the scars they leave may outweigh those few moments in the sunshine. It’s clearly time for Frankie to grow up and take some classes in etiquette, but it’s also time for the tabloid press to grow up and stop taking cheap shots at easy targets. Isn’t spending a few weeks with Louis Walsh enough punishment for Frankie’s vocal sins?

An exchange programme for the last 4 years has been running at Queen’s university called the PMI-2: Strategic Alliances and Partnerships scheme. Its aim is to take a group of students to either India or China for academic and cultural exchange, and in the process take part in university life and complete some research. I’m a 24 year old student from Wales just waiting to graduate from a full-time Masters in Social and Community Development, and over the summer I spent a month, along with four other students and a member of Queen’s academic staff, in the Indian southern state of Andhra Pradesh and the city of Hyderabad.

BY JONATHAN EVANS  

India is a country of over 1.2 billion people and a whole world of contradictions. Greeting us on arrival from the plane in Mumbai in early August was the sight of corrugated iron roofs on a hillside next to the runway of Mumbai. It was in fact the slum of Dharavi, famous for being one of Asia’s largest slums. The size of the slum is over half the population of Northern Ireland.

However, I was off to the comfort of a university campus another flight away in Hyderabad along with my colleagues. My research involved going out into local poor communities, some at a slum level, and speaking to everyday people.

On meeting young slum children growing up in an environment devoid of opportunity, the big smile adorning their faces really makes you take stock. Having the privilege of being an honoured guest on visiting a group of village women who, through saving what little money they had, pool this together and create opportunities for themselves makes you appreciate what you have in your own life. Invitations to family homes for dinner, and being asked about your life, is an entirely humbling experience.

More than anything else, I thought I knew a bit about poverty living as a student, and the confidence shedding effect it potentially has. Relatively I am struggling, but there is always that safety net there for me: my family home and my parents. If I was really in trouble I would be just fine. For the communities I spent time observing and interacting with in India, they do not have the same options and fall-backs as we do.

There are times in life when you have to take a step back and try to take it all in. For the last month and a half I have battled with the fact that I am not still in India, and will not be for a while. The sights, smells, differences and kindness of the people I have missed more than almost anything else I can recall. My defining image of the trip is this picture of slum-kids in the city. What I won’t forget is the smiles on those faces and the spirit of India: it is something that has changed me forever. My advice to all students is: you only live once, get out and take these opportunities.

BY NATHAN MORROW MURTAGH

It seems that never before has the presidency been so important, and simultaneously so devalued. There is no doubt that the debacle involving the controversial David Norris’ writings to the Israeli government, and his subsequent withdrawal and re-entry into the race has somewhat tarnished the election, and possibly the eventual result. Even the staunchest supporter would admit that his judgment, both in writing these letters and his defense of them, has been questionable to say the least.

Who then can we say is a genuine contender for the role of Ireland’s cheerleader-come-diplomat? It seems that despite “All Kinds of everything” floating around the campaign trails of “Dana” Rosemary Scanlon, her chances of election at the third time of asking are fairly low, lower now after her oath of declaration to the constitution of theUnited States of Americain 1997. So much for a candidate whose mantra is to protect that constitution’s Irish counterpart.  As for the other ballot fillers Gay Mitchell and Mary Davis, a strong showing of double figure percentage points is all they can realistically hope for.

Not long ago it would have been easy to dismiss former Fianna Fail executive member and Irish “Dragon” on the RTE version of “Dragon’s Den”, Sean Gallagher, as another of these ballot fillers, but his latest surge in the opinion polls has given the rest of the pack something to worry about. It seems his “no nonsense” attitude and entrepreneurial past could serve up a shock on polling day.

Of the three remaining candidates, can you spot the odd one out?  To drive through the suburbs of Dublin and see posters of Martin McGuinness, rosy cheeked as if having just plowed a Fermanagh field, is an odd sensation. His nomination came as a shock to most, and as a kick in the proverbial to others, no less than Gay Mitchell who will undoubtedly lose his portion of the working class vote as a result. He is a clever choice for a party whose goal is to take votes from traditionally Fianna Fail constituiancies. His election would be contrary to the forward movement that the presidency has made, but he could bring something to the table. A handshake with the Queen being one moment to anticipate.

And then there were two. There is no doubt about the political ability and intelligence of David Norris. A wonderful orator, gifted academic and brilliant mind, a man who’s only downfall has been to come to the aid of a loved one and talk about sensitive topics with his academic glasses on, forgetting that the rest of the nation never bought a pair. At least that’s what it looks like, details aside. Without trying to defend or to incriminate Mr. Norris, what do we find when we compare his actions to actions of Finance ministers at home or abroad? Or even to the actions of other candidates?  His election would signify so many things for the Irish people, as well as continuing a long the line of progression for the Irish presidency.

Finally, we come to the unique Figure of Michael D. Higgins, politician, writer and poet. A man who commands worldwide respect for his human rights activism and for his articulate criticism of the Reagan administration in the 1980s, yet resides very happily in his home in the west ofIreland. A man who endeavors to promote the arts, as well as being fiercely proud of Irish in the world, Higgins, along with Norris, seems to be the natural successor to “The Marys” in continuing this positive evolution of the Presidency into the 21st century.

Oscar Wilde said: “To expect the unexpected shows a thoroughly modern intellect.” Perhaps we should heed his words.

In case you didn’t know,  Hallowe’en is a big deal in Belfast. It isn’t just a festival for little kids, but big kids too. All sorts of costumes can be seen wandering the streets of the city in October, and no one will bat an eyelid. Never be afraid to embrace the wildest products of your imagination at Hallowe’en.

BY MEGAN LIDDY

There are lots of local costume shops to visit, with plenty of options available.  From Elliott’s to Harlequin to The Rusty Zip, all fancy dress stores supply a range of costumes and accessories.   The corporate devils have realised that Hallowe’en is now a huge industry, so there are some really weird and wonderful costumes available; including Christmas trees, complete with flashing lights, adult babygros with no bum in the costume, ‘Blues Brothers’ style suits with no bum in the costume and Sumo suits. If that’s the path you plan to take, either buy your costume early or bring a book to read in the massive queues, which often take more than an hour to move through.

As exciting as costume shop innovations are, we feel that this is a bit of an easy way out. Massive points will be given for homemade costumes. If you’ve got the time and inclination, some forward planning with a few mates can make a big impact. One student, Hannah came up with the idea of dressing up as drinks cans. All of the designs were hand painted on some shop bought material, which takes effort but is pretty cheap for such a big impact, the girls won a best dressed prize last year. Last year some of the best costumes spotted around the Union last year included a picnic table made of gingham material and disposable cutlery and plates; an ‘in the shower’ costume complete with shower curtain, shower cap and rubber duck; and a ‘Facebook’ costume, basically a giant whiteboard, so you could ‘write on the wall’.

If you’re pushed for time, look around the house. To submit just a few ideas, bin bags have limitless possibilities, from capes to very short dresses. If you fancy leaning more towards the tradition of scary Hallowe’en costumes, get creative in the kitchen. Blackcurrant diluting juice, instant coffee and jam make a very effective fake blood, as modelled by our zombie. From the bathroom, vast amounts of toilet paper and PVA glue layered over old clothes make a mummy. Go for the old student favourite and artfully wrap a sheet around yourself to make a toga. If you’re truly pushed for time, throw a sheet over your head, go as a ghost and pretend you’re being ironic.

The best advice is to put at least some effort in, go crazy, and get creative. The only way you’ll stick out in an undesirable way is if you don’t make at least a nod towards Hallowe’en. A little thought can mean a big prize at many venues if your costume is genuinely awesome.

Send your photos of your best Hallow’een costumes to gownlifestyle@hotmail.com if you want to show off your efforts to the world.

BY MEGAN LIDDY

The Joey

How to Spot – A simple creature, motivated purely by food and/or sex. May call home lamenting that they have spent all of their loan on food by the end of October. A huge fan of the chat up line. This chat up line may not be very good, but it is essentially good looks and charm that wins The Joey company for the evening. Childlike in simple needs, and sometimes simple in mind, The Joey is often pitied and subsequently fed by other housemates, as a result The Joey is a very loyal friend.

The Ross

How to Spot – Likely to be a housemate who is studying a subject that either no one has heard of, or that no one understands. This housemate studies passionately, and takes their course with ease. They even do all of their reading, the recommended stuff as well as the compulsory stuff. Would prefer to live alone, but can’t afford to until after they get their super degree, and so for now must suffer housemates, likely to leave notes to other housemates in communal areas. This housemate is passionate, they seldom have people that they like romantically, but may have a history of falling madly in love after two dates.

The Chandler

How to Spot – In short, the funny one. However, like many funny people, does so to hide extreme social awkwardness. Is infuriated that pulling targets seems to see only the social awkwardness and miss the good qualities, and if they do see the good qualities, they assume that The Chandler is batting for the other team. Studying some sort of dull subject that nobody cares about, but will make obscene amounts of money after graduation.

The Rachel

How to Spot – Very, very good looking. The Rachel’s good looks and pleasant, easy-going attitude essentially make her a lethal weapon when the prowl. The Rachel seldom encounters hardship in life due to the lethal combination of charm and good looks. Most likely works part time in the service industry, where her pleasant attitude quickly disappears when dealing with customers. The Rachel will probably experience a crisis that the path she has been directed towards may not be the path that they want. Maybe The Rachel should’ve studied design at UU instead of Dentistry?

The Phoebe

How to Spot – The Phoebe is the day dreaming housemate, most likely to be studying a creative subject, made less of a decision to come to university, rather it just sort of happened. Of all the housemates, The Phoebe is most likely to have taken a ‘gap yah’ in order to become spiritualised and ‘find themselves.’ You are most likely to hear music that you’ve never heard before floating from under The Phoebe’s bedroom door, probably albums bought during the gap yah.

The Monica

How to Spot – The Monica orders Dettol in bulk online and coats the entire house in it twice daily. The kitchen must be bleached at least twice daily, but three times is ideal. The Monica will moan about your mess, and how important it is to clean up after yourself, but if you do not clean up after yourself when asked, The Monica will cave and clean for you. The Monica has a fiercely competitive streak, sometimes to her detriment, as she spent three days in bed after trying to win a game of Kings.

If you thought witches weren’t real, think again. They are very real, and capable of the most evil crimes. At least that is what the Italian prosecutor Giuliano Mignini would like us to think. His description of Amanda Knox, the American student charged with the brutal sexual assault and murder of British exchange student Meredith Kercher, was more Spanish inquisition than 21st century legal court.

By Romano Mullin

Mignini used Knox’s lifestyle as evidence: her marijuana use, her sex life and her relationship with her boyfriend Raffaele Sollecito, who was also charged with Kercher’s 2007 murder. Sollecito and Knox are claimed to have read graphic comic books high in sado-masochistic content, and murdered Kercher after a drug-fuelled haze.

Mignini had help from the British tabloids. For four years, from Kercher’s murder until Knox and Sollecito’s 2011 appeal and acquittals, they branded Knox a femme-fatale. She was a manipulative, seductive temptress who lived too fast and had a heart of darkness. Amanda Knox was as far from apple pie America as she could be, and the tabloids damned her for it, even as evidence grew that she and Sollecito may in fact have been victims of a miscarriage of justice.

The truth may never be known, but what is known is that innocent or not, Knox was the victim of a witch hunt and convicted by press before any trial had begun. The strangle hold of the media on public opinion meant that no other depiction of Knox was accepted. As four years in prison passed, she changed her clothes, her hairstyle and her demeanour in the hopes of appeasing the press.

The real losers in this mess are the Kercher family. Once, they had a daughter. She was murdered, and three people went to jail for that crime. Now only one man rots, probably rightfully, in an Italian jail. But he didn’t do it alone, and the Kercher family wait for answers. Meanwhile, Amanda Knox can begin her life again. She may be free, but she will never be free from the glare of the tabloid press.

In Belfast, we are unshakably proud of a ship that sank. April 2012 will mark the centenary of the sinking of the Titanic. In the build up to this important date, there has been a lot of hype around the new exhibition at the Ulster Folk and Transport Museum, TITANICa.

BY MEGAN LIDDY

The Titanic exhibition is really something that needs to be seen. We cannot deny that there have been huge levels of sustained interest in everything that surrounds the ship. James Cameron was not the first to make a film, and even he couldn’t realise what Celine Dion would do to popular culture. Although we can be as derisory as we like about the ship that sank, and we cannot deny that there was a huge loss of life in the disaster, which deserves respect and remembrance. The exhibition manages to strike a balance between striking feelings of awe and sorrow.

The exhibition takes a lot of pride in displaying artefacts used in daily life on the ship. The splendour of the ship’s First Class is barely believable, although only 100 years ago, the world exhibited seems like another planet, a monument to the rigid class system that seemed unshakable before the First World War. You cannot help but marvel at the human input in crafts that have been lost to machines, from pattern painting on China, to the wooden carvings in staircase panels the attention to detail displays an artistry not often found in ships of today.

There’s a section exposing myths surrounding the Titanic, and a game that illustrates the speed at which riveters had to work. The centrepiece is a carried over from a previously smaller exhibition on the Titanic at the museum, but it is still the most thought provoking exhibit; a model of the ship mid-sinking with figurines in colour, illustrating those who survived, and figurines in grey, illustrating those who did not.

Ultimately, the TITANICa exhibition is a success, however, it is much smaller than expected, especially when the marketing campaign has been so vast. A lot of the exhibits are from the Titanic’s sister ship, the Olympic, which makes the whole pretence of the exhibition being about the Titanic a bit false. However, the Transport Museum as a whole will easily kill a few hours, and if you include the Folk section too, you’ll have a pretty full day. At just £4.00 for a student ticket into the transport museum, and only a 20minute train journey from Central Station, a trip to the museum is a pretty cheap day out. Milk the last of the Autumn sunshine and have a picnic overlooking the amazing sea views in the vast museum grounds.

Dear Chrissy,

I’ve been going out with this girl for practically all of sixth year and we are both going to Queen’s. She was really fun and cool at the start but now she’s totally crazy and paranoid. I really want to try and meet new people and have the uni experience, but don’t know how to tell her

- Caught In A Trap.

Dear Caught In A Trap,

Okay the first thing we need to talk about here is whether you are actually in this relationship. What sort of boyfriend would seek approval to go out and get his groove on with other girls, and then have the cheek to ask his so-called girlfriend to wait for him?  Secondly if this girl is as crazy and paranoid as you say, then why not dump her ass and get a girl who you can actually enjoy the company of?  A boyfriend who likes spending time with his girlfriend?  Crazy I know, but I think it just might work.

You’ve clearly made your mind up if you’re thinking about doing the nasty with other people.  For all I know this girl could be the innocent victim who deserves much better, while you are some sleazy Lothario just looking for a new thrill.  Just grow a set of balls and end it with this girl before you hurt her more.  Or you could just let her castrate you when she finds out what sort of lousy scumbag you really are.

And in case you can’t get your itch scratched by some trashy Box slut (at least the Rain ones kiss)  don’t expect your girlfriend to be ready when you drunk dial for a late night booty call.

Dear Chrissy,

I’m getting quite jealous seeing all these people coming back from their holidays with mahogany tans.  I’m tempted to slop a bottle of Sunshimmer over myself.  Is it ever right for a man, such as myself, to fake tan?

-To Fake, Or Not To Fake?

Dear To Fake, Or Not To Fake,

Since I’m assuming you’re not a part of the cast of The Only Way Is Essex, stay the fuck away from the fake tan!

10000 marched their way around for 2011 Belfast Pride. The 21st annual march was watched by 20000 in the city centre.

BY BEN FINCH AND LORCAN MULLEN 

The march left Custom House Square at two o’clock and headed to City Hall. Open-sided lorries carried pole dancing men, while red sightseeing buses were full to the brim with cheering crowds.

Mobile advertising hoardings stated: “Gay, lesbian, straight, we are all people.”  The bystanders watched approvingly as transvestites walked past in towering heels, walking with greater assurance than most girls would be able to in the same shoes.

As the parade passed City Hall there was heckling from an organised group of fundamentalist Christians. There was reports of an assault, but nothing confirmed by the PSNI.

The parade returned to Custom House Square for the Party in the Square, where Lisa Scott Lee and Cubstars performed.

Drag queen Dusty Drawers, dressed in a pink leotard with a rainbow tail and a red feather headdress, said: “It’s fabulous this year. It’s been really well organised.”

Pete Woolfe, a representative from the shopworkers’ union USDAW, was visiting from Manchester said Belfast was “just as lively, but smaller.” He also had some advice for dealing with protests which aren’t limited to Belfast. “In Manchester you get people waving the bible at you but there’s people in the parade waving the bible right back. We get people to line in front of the protests with curtains on their arms to block them out.”

Pride photographer David Hall said that while Northern Ireland is “still behind the rest of the UK”, the day allowed people the space to be themselves, to “get out, be who you are…just being alive.”

Padraig Lawlor said: “there’s still an element of watching your Ps and Qs, about not ‘rubbing it in someone’s face’.” Alanna McCormack felt that Pride has become less political. She said: “most of the political aims have been achieved, it’s much better than it was.” Steven Donnan, chair of the Northern Ireland Green Party’s LGBT group said:“the stigma is changing slowly but surely.”

The SDLP’s Conall McDevitt,  MLA for South Belfast said: “I thought this year was particularly good. One of the nicest things was the number of teenagers walking around and embracing the occasion and the diversity.”

The parade doesn’t meet the approval of all in the city. Some people who were approached for a comment during the parade simply shook their heads and said nothing. However, one ‘born again’ Christian who didn’t wish to be named said, “A man’s supposed to go with a woman. If your parents had been gay then you wouldn’t be here. When god made Adam he didn’t make another man.” He also stated that equality of any sort is impossible: “There isn’t equality. Christ is the head of the man and the man is the head of the woman.” He thought gay people should “just stay single. I mean I’m single and I’m fine.”

McDevitt described people like this as being “such a tiny minority in the city these days.”

Tomorrow is Belfast Pride.  Come on down to the Albert Clock at 1pm and join in celebrating the diversity and the right to love.

BY EMMA GALLEN

With the DUP not sending any representatives to the Pride on the Hill on Monday 25 July, this is your chance to show the biggest party in Northern Ireland that they are not in touch with students on this matter.

During Pride will be a SlutWalk contingent, so get ready for chants of “Whatever we wear, wherever we go, yes means yes and no means no.”

The weather forecast says that it should be sunny with clouds, here’s hoping that the skies smile on us.

Jason O’Neill’s first week as president was a busy one.  It was graduation, Jason had to appear in the academic procession and write and deliver a speech for presenting an award to the Queen’s Student of the Year, Therese White.

BY BEN FINCH

On top of this he had to graduate himself, appear on UTV, hob-nob with business people at the Graduation Dinner and travel to Oxford to meet the Aldwich Group, the collection of Russell Group Student Unions.“The most rewarding thing I did last week,” he says, “was to speak at graduation to present Therese White with the Student of the Year Award.  It was a bit nerve racking but it was an honour to present it to her because she’s such a worthy recipient.”

There’s a lot needs done in the running of a Student Union and to make sure Jason and his team meet the commitments made in their manifestos a plan of work will be completed for August 1. Jason says: “We need to make sure that each and every one [of the team] know what their role is and what their plans are for the year.”  But plans change so “it’s obviously a flexible document but at the same time it should have everything in that we plan to do at this stage and we’ll add new things in as we go along.”

The election campaign in February saw accusations of smearing and dishonest practice bandied about, until it all ended up in election court.  While O’Neill’s ticket – sometimes referred to as the Law/GAA ticket, but he’s always keen to refute this – took most of the positions they have to work with Nuala McAdams andAdam McGibbon who ran to gether as well as Fiona Kidd.  But it seems everyone’s getting on fine: “The student officers are all getting on very well as you can see, the likes of Niall McShane getting on very well with Adam McGibbon.  So it’s very positive, a very positive start.

“And although I many ways we’re under-resourced in the Union in terms of staffing, my experience so far has been that every staff member I’ve been in contact with is an expert in their field and has been more than helpful, proving themselves a great asset to the officers and to the building.”

The main priority for this year’s team is still to keep tuition fees at the current level.  Since the interview this has almost been confirmed by Peter Robinson and Martin McGuinness, but not by Stephen Farry, the Minister for Employment and Learning.  Jason does say “we’re in the end game at the moment but we need to make sure we keep on the ball and with the funding of education.  There’s a £40million shortfall that needs considered too.”

His personal priority is to run the Queen’s Ball; a large, outdoor music concert, although as this is in the early stages of planning he’s not prepared to speculate too much on the details, but it will within walking distance of Queen’s and pull in “big name acts.”  O’Neill wants this to be distinct from the May Ball hosted by the Union. “The main, in fact possibly the only, problem with this was the timing of it,” he says.  He plans that the Queen’s Ball will make a profit and go some way to paying off the Union’s debts to the University.

Dressed in a LawSoc hoodie rather than the shirts he usually appears in publicly, O’Neill is still very careful about how he comes across.  He refers to sabbs as ‘Student Officers’ because “‘Sabbatical Officer’ sounds quiet alien.”  He also makes sure every officer and what they plan to focus on over the next year is mentioned and complimented throughout.  I joke about whether he’s had media training yet due to his tendency to keep repeating his main points, but not quite like Ed Milliband and Enda Kenny.  He hasn’t yet, but it’s on the cards and at times he is painfully slow to choose his words.

O’Neill has no plans to dock any of the VP’s wages with Performance Related Pay (PRP), a motion yet to be passed: “It’s a very dangerous area to go into.  As I said before I think there’s a potential to open Pandora’s Box which could lead to your opinion on certain aspects of the job or your decisions of certain aspects of the job being linked to pay, and I don’t think that’s ever proper.  Although I think that there will be no problems this year in terms of sabbatical officers doing their work so I don’t envisage it being an issue.”

Discussing PRP leads our conversation onto the level of scrutiny O’Neill and his team will be under.  O’Neill’s clear that “ultimately the officers are accountable to the electorate and to council, and it’s the electorate and council that they should be working for and scrutinised by.”  He also seems happy to chat to the Gown at any stage, although the Hood comes in for a bit of flack.  Indeed, the idea of a rival to the Hood in the SU Magazine is floated.

Finishing off the conversation, O’Neill drove home his enthusiasm for the Queen’s Ball. He said: “I really am going for it, and if it doesn’t happen it won’t be through a lack of trying or energy.  I’m very passionate about it but it’s very delicate at the moment and I want to make sure I have everything planned out before.  I mean other universities that run outdoor entertainment concerts have full time entertainment officers.  So for me to be organising the concert, I will be organising it as well as my actual duties.”

“Man, am I starving!” is a common utterance in households worldwide, a gross exaggeration for most people, but not for children in Somalia.

BY CLAIRE WILLIAMSON

The worst drought in more than half a century has forced the country in to a state of crisis, leaving over 10.7 million people in the need of urgent help.

A famine occurring in the same world as ipads, 3DTV and million pound salaries is absurd. The country has not seen a famine in 19 years despite been plagued by war and conflict for as long as can be remembered. Even in these desperate times violence and threats are preventing aid from getting to certain areas due to the high risk of attacks.

The figures and statistics are simply horrifying:

• Four out of every 10,000 children are dying daily;
• $300million is required for the next two months;
• Children as young as eight are being recruited to join militant forces.

Families are travelling for up to 22 days at a time with no food to reach aid teams. However, the younger members cannot cope with this strain on the body and are dying en route, leaving the rest of the family no choice but to bury their relative in the wilderness. Some are even too weak to dig a grave and have to leave them at the roadside. Aid workers have described the children as, “Tiny, emaciated children with wrinkled skin hanging off their bones, rib cages jutting out, bulbous eyes gazing out forlornly, flies covering their faces – the all-too-familiar images of African hunger.”

Fact: Famine should not in the year of 2011 be claiming the life of anyone.
The rest of the world needs to take note and act fast.

To donate to the Disaster Emergency Committee’s emergency appeal, please visit http://www.dec.org.uk/item/506?gclid=CJvGy42hlaoCFUQKfAod8QPfwQ

Why did women ever bother burning their bras or getting trampled by horses? For female sexual emancipation and suffrage.  Though it seems now that most girls don’t care about that, they just want a man on their arm; the real sign of success for some.

BY EMMA GALLEN

On Facebook, the gauge of all social opinion, a girl posted a question asking about 21st birthday presents.  She really wanted all her friends to buy them because after that, the only milestones left were turning 30, 40, and 50 plus, unless of course you get married and have kids.  A successful girl, set to achieve a first in her degree, thinks that marriage and kids is all we have to celebrate. No one thought to ask or question her on what else there is to celebrate,  it was just accepted as fact, which is slightly disturbing.

Possibly the most notable example of whining “I need a man” is best selling singer Adele.  She warbles that she’s “worthy” of a man and how she will do everything she can to keep him, and will always love him. All her career success means nothing without this one man who after the success of the album demanded royalties for inspiring her pain. Maybe that will at least spur another Rolling in the Deep style “I’m better without you”, but probably not.  She might find someone else like him and have another whinge about that, plus it’d probably sell twice as many records.

In 2011 it is still more important to many women to get a ring on their finger and play house. While there are women trying to fight against systematic sexism and glass ceilings, they are being undermined by the baby obsessed tribe who trigger employers minds to the dreaded term “maternity leave”.

This isn’t to say women ought to be career driven, tunnel visioned ice queens.  It’s been said that success is worth nothing unless you have someone to share it with, it’d just be nice if women were sharing their success, not planning on basking in their husband’s.

McJazzyFest started out on small North Antrim farm 3 years ago as a camping party for a few friends who enjoyed music, dancing and the odd pint of beer.  Growing from a small number of friends, to 60 people at last year’s event, to 350 happy campers this year, McJazzyFest has risen to become Northern Ireland’s ‘biggest small independent music festival’.

BY JANETTE LOUGHLIN

Created and chiefly organised by Queen’s University graduate John McGarry, McJazzyFest 2011 has been three months hard work from an organisational team of 30 friends to bring the show together for a great night’s craic.  From sound technicians to photographers to family members and friends, the success of the event is a credit to all those involved with organising and ensuring the event ran smoothly.

Due to the massive increase in popularity of McJazzyFest over the past three years, McGarry has been able to turn the event into something that has benefited the Northern Ireland based charity, Tiny Life.  Raising funds of £750.40, the impressive sum will go a long way to support the local charity in its effort to reduce premature birth, illness, disability and death among infants in Northern Ireland.

Arriving at the campsite the festive spirit is visible from half way down the lane.  Brightly coloured tents, an array of rainbow coloured wellies and the evening sun settling over the fields sets the tone for the evening; sunshine and fun.  Before the bands started up, guests spent the evening setting up tents, getting to know their new neighbours, making friends and playing the odd game of bean bag toss.  With weather conditions staying dry but windy, there were quite literally flying gazebos and runaway hats, but it was no mud-induced-Glastonbury-melt-down.

Raffle ticket sellers did the rounds for a chance to win tickets to see Rihanna in Belfast, giant sumo wrestling suits or a date with my mate, to name a few.  A burger van took up residency among tents for the night and provided much needed nutrition for an evening’s dancing.  Portaloos were hired for the occasion, which saved many from awkward falls into bushes on a midnight venture up the lane in search for some privacy.  They probably saved some baby foals from a terrible fright too.

Providing the sound and lighting equipment for the event was Moyle Music Collective, a community organisation based in Ballycastle. They help support new and upcoming bands by providing equipment and hosting gigs.  Local photographer Andrew McLaughlin spent the evening diligently capturing Kodak moments all over the event; from the best costumes in fancy dress, to the craziest bust-a-moves.

Kicking off the music entertainment for the night was local two piece band Run Paint Run.  Based in Castlerock and Limavady, the duo consists of  Matt Murdock on bass guitar and Danny Kane on drums.  Full of sonic influences from And So I Watch You From Afar and Oceansize with their rip rockin’ instrumental beats, the band’s skills and dedication to music is a testament to both Murdock and Kane.  Having played in Ballymoney’s Ma Kelly’s at its weekly Rock Night gig, the band are making a name for themselves in local music circles.

Next up to play on the lorry/impromptu stage were ILL Minds, self-confessed hip hop rappers based in North Derry.  Featuring  Paddy Mullan as ‘The G’ with his bandmates, John Maxwell as ‘J The Hybrid’ and Traglach Bradley aka ‘Kid X’ make up ILL Minds. Speaking about how the project started, Mullan said: “We wanted to do something more than just going out and getting drunk, so we got together and started experimenting with different sounds and recording, it all just kicked off from there really.”  Performing at McJazzyFest, ILL Minds pumped out their infectious ‘What’s the Craic?’, with every audience member shouting along and dancing the bit out.  Followed closely by an acoustic interlude from John McGarry’s uncle,  ‘My Uncle Eugene’, played to a well-receiving audience, treating them to an array of sing-along favourites and classic tunes.

As the night went on, the dance arena filled up with neon paint-clad revellers well geared up for dancing at this point.  The final band to take to the stage was Jumping Orbit.  Having played in venues all over the north and Belfast, including Auntie Annie’s, Lavery’s and Radar at Queen’s Student’s Union, the Mid-Ulster four piece have become well known throughout the province for their high-energy, guitar-fuelled performances.  With Matthew Laverty on vocals and rhythm guitar, Ciaran Cassidy playing lead guitar, Franky Boyd on drums and Anthony McKenna on bass, their set brought another dimension to the evening.  Heartfelt lyrics layered within captivating and catchy melodies, Jumping Orbit’s music echoed out into the summer sky as it placed everyone in an escapist trance.  Talking about McJazzyFest, Matthew said: “We’re really excited to be performing, it’s a great opportunity for local acts and we’d love to come back again next year.”

After Jumping Orbit finished their set, the crowd moved to watch Chinese sky lanterns being set off; a symbol of celebration against the night sky.  Then McGarry took to the stage to announce winners of the raffle and give his thanks to all those who came along, performed, helped set up and organise the whole event.  Acknowledging that the event would not be possible without all its volunteers, McGarry said: “Thanks a million to everyone who contributed or helped out in any way, we just wanted to everyone to have a great time.”

As the evening wound down for some and intensified for others, local DJs  took to the stage.  Steven Neligan, a resident DJ in Dublin’s POD nightclub and has played all over the country; from Belfast to Tralee, entertained the crowd with funky percussion beats with a rhythmic bass line.  Guitarist for local band Team Laser Explosive, Shira, made his festival DJing debut at McJazzyFest.  Silly the Kidd and Niall Mullan also performed sets that rocked the crowd into the wee hours of the morning.

With the success of this year’s McJazzyFest, people are already looking ahead to next year.  The sense of community spirit, the support for the local music scene, the raised  awareness for Tiny Life has all been overwhelming because of the success of this one small festival in a secret location in Co Antrim.  The festival has grown into what it is today because of the efforts of a strong group of people who really want to do something unique within their community.  They want to support friends, charities and local bands and give everyone a good time in the process.  Objective: achieved.  And in the words of McJazzy: “When it’s time to party we will party hard!” Or wait, maybe that was Andrew WK…

Hardcore music fans go to Glastonbury, hardcore cupcake fans go to the sabb office for Sam Tan cupcakes, and hardcore gamers?  They rock the Q-con.  From 24-26th of June, Queen’s Students’ Union plays host to the largest gaming convention in Ireland.  The event attracts gamers from all over the country; from the rural hamlets of Cork to the fantasy land of Hyrule à la Zelda. If there’s an internet connection, there’s a way.

BY JANETTE LOUGHLIN

One of the chief organisers, man-about-the-Union and Dragon Slayer extraordinaire Niall Bole, Q-Con’s success is a result of months of dedicated preparation, organisation and hard work from all involved, especially the Queen’s Dragon Slayers team.  Bole described the incredible turn-out of 1600 – 1700 guests throughout the weekend as “terrifying but pretty awesome”.

He said: ” This is six months a year of work coming together.  To see the outcome, to see everyone enjoying themselves, that is fantastic.”

The event is not just for fans – Q-Con is hosting around 15 guest speakers over the weekend.  Comic book artists, games designers and people who run alternate reality games are all giving talks about their particular fields and sharing their expertise.

As the largest gaming convention in Ireland, this is a wonderful opportunity for businesses.  The Snack Bar has been transformed into an anime cartoon-bright explosion of goods for sale.  From character soft toys to funky graphic t-shirts, traders have brought an array of interesting and unique products for every fanboy and girl.  Arkam Gaming Centre, which is based in Larne, are selling an array of memorabilia.

Recent Universtiy of Ulster graduate Úna Gallagher is selling her artwork along with many other local artists and designers.  Gallagher explained some of the techniques used in her work including the use of filters, stabilizers and layering using the latest Japanese photoshop software.  Members of the Queen’s Origami Society are also on-hand this weekend, offering workshops to those interested in the Japanese art form.

A range of gaming equipment has been set up in the Snack Bar.  From the latest Xbox Kinect to old-school pinball machines, this display of technology highlights a range of gaming equipment to suit all tastes.  For the groovy movers, Dance Dance Revolution pads have been set up.  Using a PC emulator that runs on a fan-created application, the programme contains thousands of songs and endless dance combinations for those looking to liven things up.

Look out for the brilliant costumes too.  From the ever so slightly intimidating Pyramid Head to Dr Suess’s Thing One and or Two, the SU is buzzing with gaming fanatics, brilliantly creative people and extremely cool threads. So if you see the Super Mario Bros running around campus don’t worry, the McClay library hasn’t flooded again, it’s just Q-Con 2011 unleashed.

BY THE HOOD

It doesn’t seem to have quite worked out that way though… Before he’s even started, our incoming President has already pissed off a significant number of staff with a ‘Do you know who I am?’ moment that betters Catherine Wylie’s from a few years ago.  Rumour has it that while taking questions he was asked what his name was again.  To which – and this has to be the most gleeful thing I’ve heard all day- he replied, “You should know who I am by now!”  Unlike Wylie, he was sober and talking to a room full of people. Fantastic!  Now everyone knows who you are.

But it wasn’t just the staff our new president annoyed, the outgoing sabbs got to enjoy a presentation of what all they did wrong this year.  The NUS award nominated VP Equality and Diversity Samantha Tan was seen crying after this. Oh well, Sam, you have still have Aaron Porter.

On 12 January 2010, Haiti was hit by a devastating earthquake.  Families were broken, homes were destroyed and an estimated 316,000 deaths left this Caribbean country in turmoil.  Almost 18 months on, help is still needed for the people of Haiti to recover from this horrific natural disaster.

BY DARAGH ROBINSON

Samantha Tan, the outgoing VP for Equality and Diversity in Queen’s, will spend 8 weeks over the summer volunteering with the charity organisation European Disaster Volunteers in the nation’s capital, Port-Au-Prince.  Their work includes building homes and community centres, teaching English to local children, helping out with healthcare and education, as well as assisting in orphanages in the area.

Sam told The Gown: “I have a huge heart for global justice, and I think it’s vital that we, living in a country where we enjoy a lot of luxuries, give back. I grew up in a developing country, so I’ve seen first hand situations where people can’t get to school because of money problems or have to live in slum areas. I’ve just been so fortunate to have a family that can afford to send me to the UK for university, and I think it’s important that we should be doing all we can to ensure that others get the same chance at life as we do.”

When asked for her reasoning behind choosing Haiti, Sam said: “I once spent 10 weeks in Nepal teaching, so I wanted to do something a bit more different and something that would really help people. It was very difficult picking because all volunteer work is useful, but I eventually decided on Haiti because I’d wanted to help out since the earthquake.  Even though it’s been 18 months since it happened, people’s lives are still broken, children have no school to go to, and the country is still struggling to get on its feet. I don’t have a lot of amazing skills, but I am an extra pair of hands and I just want to be able to do whatever I can, even if I spend my whole summer doing construction work.”

Fundraising for travel costs and to sustain the excellent work of the charity in Haiti has been a huge success for Sam, with around £1900 raised so far in Malaysia and Belfast.  Selling homemade cupcakes encouraged locals to donate vigorously, with orders still available until Sam’s departure. Your stomach will appreciate the charity. To follow Sam’s efforts in Haiti you can visit www.samtaninhaiti.wordpress.com for regular blog updates.

Since the year is finished, the time has come for the Hood to look back over the year and dish out some awards to the societies, people and so on that I feel deserve to have the cold light of day poured onto their pimply backsides. Unlike the SU awards, these awards have been well thought out, and will not be awarded based on good relations with staff. The recipients and nominees will not get a dinner, nor will any society receive more than one award. However, in a similar vein to the SU awards however, these are undemocratic, uncounselled and decided by a heavily breathing man sitting in the dark.

BY THE HOOD

Best New Society:

This award simply must go to the QUB Palestine Solidarity society, not only for managing to post an advert with no address, no contact details and half of the advert in foreign, but also for their ability to compete with the socialists on sheer bloody-minded scrotum-chewing irritancy. However, the main reasons they received this award was for the heckling of a foreign diplomat and the assaults on his taxi, and of course for giving us one of our most easily to caricature figures by making himself president for life, banning all elections within his society, (Alex Redpath would be proud), accosting strangers about bewilderingly titled films, and wearing a tea towel.

Most improved society:

This award can only go to the Canoe club who have risen from last year’s position (being coshed vigorously in a darkened room by Andrew Dodge) to actually being a proper society once again. Bravo team! Another victory for student democracy.

Outstanding club or society:

I think this must go to the law society. Their election team promised to cut red tape, and they showed their working by failing to be registered as a proper society. Cutting red tape indeed.

Event of the Year:

Although there are several events that do deserve nomination for this, I feel it must go to the second UGM, the stillborn event that it was, with an attendance of roughly 30 people (including sabbs). But the Hood was there. Watching. Laughing. Playing with Himself.

Community Contribution of The Year:

This of course must go to Mr. McGrizzle, who spent St Patricks Day serving his community in the best way possible. By being in New York at the time, and managing to disappear with all the grace and smoothness of a hippopotamus covered in talcum powder.  Runner-up goes to Kevin Mulhern, Head of Communications at QUB, who became an honorary member of the police that day, the result being a steward going to the ambulance.

Love Affair of the Year:

For their darling public behaviour, their general cuteness, this award must go to Fiona Kidd and Gary Spedding. Spending all their time in idle chatter, whispering sweet nothings, she coyly playing with her SU magazine, he wiping the dribble from his tea-towel. How sweet.

Sabbatical of the Year:

This award was torn between the beard monster, the crying statue, the SU Mag editor, the evil genius, Nathan Hackett, the Tiny Casanova. However, in the end, it had to go to McGrizzle, the VP for institutional bickering, purely for his stand against the university on our behalf. He risked life and limb by threatening ‘a negative press release’. Fight the power.

Publication of the year:

SU magazine. Much less boring than the Verdict, much more informative than the Gown, much funnier than the PTQ.

Website of the Year:

The Gown Website. Not only can you sling muck, but you can pretend you’re someone else.

Andrew Dodge award for Puppeteer of the Year:

This award goes to DJ Shuffle McKernon, for his amazing looking after the ‘change4su ticket. Being a DJ in Jaxx, using their promotional stuff, ensuring that his candidates (maybe) forced foreign students to vote for their ticket (maybe). bravo. dodge rubs his hands with glee.

Gracious loser award:

This award was going to go to Jay for stomping off before the rest of the results came out, however, the winner is Niall Bole, for asking for an electoral court after he lost. Head full of sweetie mice that boy.

McGibbon award for barefaced electioneering:

The change4su ticket deserve two, firstly for their bewilderingly oft-repeated ‘huge acts festival’, which is different from the May Ball, in that it’s entirely fictional. Secondly to Aidan Hughes for his ‘QUB crew’, which will clean up the Holylands. Special mentions must go to Nuala Mcadams promising to fix QSIS (with her IT skills), and Derek Crosby promising to banish the Ice.

Elected officer of the Year:

Darren Leckey (our NUS-USI education and Welfare officer), for his bafflingly badly spelt, grandad-racist facebook statuses. Showing us the flower of Ulster unionism. Also for managing to look like a damp sack when discussing anything.

Award that was not allowed to be given due to a superinjunction:

Sarah Wright, Chloe Minish, Adam McGibbon, Joe Corina, Nuala Mcadams
Although we can’t say anything about these people, assume what you like about their disgraced faces.

QUB Person of the Year as voted for by my adoring public:

It seems to have gone to Ryan Quinn, that guy who did Evita.  People are idiots, actually voting for someone that did something well.

Sabb of the Year as voted by the public:

We had a clear winner here, a SAAB 9-3.  This was clearly the most reliable Sabb over the past year, it just never breaks down.  Its probably the prettiest of them all too, even though it’s an ugly wee fucker.

A new phenomenon is affecting our generation and it has the potential of going viral.

BY CLAIRE WILLIAMSON

Social events and gatherings happening in every corner of the world are at risk of having people suffering from this attending.  It is known commonly as FOMO and formally as Fear Of Missing Out disorder.

I would bet that it would be hard to find someone who hasn’t been affected by this in one way or another. It is defined as anxiety or worry that someone gets when they cannot attend a specific event. There are a large variety of scenarios that this can apply to. It is a clever socially binding virus which takes many forms-here follows some you might recognise and some you should look out for.

Firstly there is the three request rule. Those who have recognised their FOMO and are therefore attending said event or gathering, approach those who are in denial. Those in denial will refuse the invitation a total of three times, after the third they know that they can know longer keep up the façade and FOMO kicks in.

Secondly and perhaps the most dangerous type are those who try to trick their FOMO in to thinking that by either joining said event later or staying only a short time will satisfy their FOMO. However it is a well known fact that this only intensifies it. As the whole point of having the Fear Of Missing Out is that if you join later or if you leave early you will be patently aware of what you are missing either prior to or after your joining.

Lastly there are those lucky few out there who do not appear to suffer from FOMO at all. These people are very strong willed and it never occurs to them the memories or the ‘in jokes’ that occur when their friends meet when they are not present. However, it is most likely that these are the people that never have any doubt in their mind about the initial prospect of meeting up or socialising, therefore they know they never will miss out as they are all already there.

A cure for FOMO is yet to be found.

After working through the first Eurovision semi-final, the second clearly allowed for a well deserved break. Essays are due (impending doom), but Jedward and ice cream are too hard to resist. Glee is clearly a big influence this year, the best act being Estonia with the Rachel Berry-esque girl singing about going to Rockefeller Street. There is no Rockefeller Street, in case you were wondering, but that is irrelevant for the voters of Eurovision.

BY EMMA GALLEN

Sweden were another Glee-tastic entry, singing about how they just want to be popular. They got through to the final in case you didn’t get to enjoy Eric and his floppy hair.

Israel, who are not particularly European, were a shock loser of the night. Transgender Dana International were trending worldwide on Twitter but failed to make it to the final.  Perhaps the voting public and music industry professionals decided they wanted European countries, or maybe Gary Spedding now has a massive phone bill.

The other surprising omission was Slovakia’s Twins.  Two very attractive girls, who would not look out of place on Hollyoaks or The Only Way is Essex with their legs and boobs out. And they delivered another Glee-esque song. They would have been able to double date with Jedward too.

Scott Mills, who was commentating on BBC3, was devastated at Austria getting through with their musical style ballad. His major issue being that the girl singing had an asymmetric bob.

Slovenia were one of the best.  The scantily clad woman sang, “No one will love you, no one will touch you, no one like me.”  Whoever “you” are, you are clearly a horrible person and will never feel the love of the “Slovenian Christina Aguilera” (that’s the BBC’s term).

Other countries who qualified were Romania, with Hotel FM who had an English lead singer, Moldova, with their gnome wizards, and Denmark, with A Friend in London, who copied Jedward’s hair. Ukraine, who were not memorable also qualified, as did Bosnia and Herzegovina, with the man who wrote their national anthem.

The highlight was undoubtedly Jedward.  They were born for Eurovision.  They can’t sing, can barely dance and do nothing in time with each other, but ‘Lipstick’ is Eurovision-gold. The hair, the outfits and the entertainment value of the twins is what Eurovision is all about.  Plus the song is ridiculously catchy.

As things stood before the election, student representatives could say with a certain degree of confidence that fees would not be increasing in Northern Ireland. The DUP, Sinn Féin and the SDLP gave a series of serious, very public assurances that this rise was not going to transpire.

BY LORCAN MULLEN

The UUP refused to stake out a position, ceding responsibility for any decision on funding to external reviews and consultations. Of course, the fact that these processes were subject to fairly transparent interference from successive UUP ministers consistently and implicitly favouring a fees hike was quietly revelatory. In this sense, the UUP position was a known quantity, one we in the NUS-USI were capable of managing and circumventing.

The primary issue, at least from our point of view, was ensuring that this successful maintenance of the status quo was not simply translated into unacceptable cuts to capacity, such as reduced class sizes, compulsory redundancies, and a decrease in student numbers, and/or unfair cuts to student support under the dishonest guise of “better targeting”. This was already going to be very difficult. Recent events have compounded the difficulty of this task.

This evening’s allocation of ministerial positions through the d’Hondt system has, according to reports, placed the Alliance Party in control of the Department for Employment and Learning.

Throughout the fees campaign, Alliance has taken a series of highly equivocal positions on Higher Education funding amounting to an implicit endorsement of an increase. Here’s a telling excerpt from their recent manifesto:

“We will resist moves to increase student contributions to the levels in place in England.”

This places the Alliance’s ideal fee cap somewhere between the status quo and £5999 a year. This position fits very neatly with the highly compromised conclusion of Joanne Stuart’s controversial second review report; that fees in Northern Ireland should rise to £5750 for (bogus) budgetary reasons. This means a fees rise is back on the table, at least at departmental level.

We should of course, be wary of the promises of all politicians. I expect commenters will carp cynically that the DUP, Sinn Fein and the SDLP should not be trusted, not least in light of the unconscionable behaviour of the Liberal Democrats on fees and student finance.

This is understandable. However, it is clear that student leaders have more than enough leverage from these parties’ manifestos and public pronouncements to make sure a rise in fees cannot pass the Executive or Assembly.

Those same student leaders need to make sure the Alliance clarifies its position swiftly, and does not begin to argue behind closed doors for yet another betrayal of future students and their families.

Incoming student leaders will need to set aside a creeping sense of complacence on the fees question: their behaviour thus far shows Alliance cannot be trusted on the most salient issue in student politics.

We have done a lot this year through lobbying and peaceful direct action to secure firm assurances from the ‘big four’ parties. We were remiss in not extending our attention to the Alliance with a similar degree of seriousness. However, with reasonably competent campaigning, with continued support from interested students, and with serious pressure exerted on the fastest-growing party in our own student stronghold of South Belfast, this surprise ministerial allocation should not change the political landscape on fees in a significant way.

(Lorcan Mullen is the outgoing Deputy President of the NUS-USI)

November 16th 2010

Dear diary,

Wills and I have announced our engagement to the peasants, er, people of Britain. So excited for a spring/summer wedding next year.  It’s about time too, I’m finally getting to marry my prince!  And he really is a Prince! Up yours, Isabella Anstruther-Cock-Calthorpe, the crown is mine bitch! Kx

November 23rd 2010

Dear diary,

Wedding’s set for 29th April next year.  It better not fucking rain.  Drip drip drop little April showers, I’ll scream! Kx

December 15th 2010

Dear diary,

Touch of Christmas shopping today in between measurings (apparently I don’t have the same child-bearing hips Diana did).  What on earth does one get the Queen for Christmas?  Gin I think, lots and lots of gin.  Maybe it will detract from that fooey pissy-prune smell. Kx

December 25th 2010

Dear diary,

Wills and I got into a little spot of trouble for being late for Christmas lunch. Wills just got so excited about his present, he couldn’t wait to try it out!  I was a little anxious about how he’d react to the sex swing I installed in Clarence House, but thankfully it went down a treat!  I’m still completely stuffed from the five bird roast even though I took 3 extra laxatives right after I threw up.  I need more merlot! Kx

28th January 2011

Dear diary,

I just watched Big Fat Gypsy Wedding on 4, I am obsessed!  Oh my god, the decadence, the glamour, the splendour of those young ladies!  Really hope I’m allowed a dress like that (it’ll top Diana’s too I hope!) and the more I see it, the more I like the pink horses.  Pumpkin carriage too?  We’ll see what Wills says! Kx

29th January 2011

I fucking hate that man!  How dare he say I’m not allowed to have my wedding exactly the way I want it?! I don’t care about “maintaining dignity and decorum”, that balding horse-faced wanker needs to understand my needs!  What does the royal family know about taste anyway?  They’re all a bunch of inbred tossers. Mum will fix things, I’ll get her to call up some of her friends from Southall and they’ll show ‘em. Kx

February 15th 2011

Dear diary,

Took Wills to get a tattoo done yesterday (Kate + Will 4eva in a little heart – right on his little toosh!) to match mine. Poor darling cried the whole time! Definitely made it worth his while last night though… I must remember that little nipple pinching trick for the wedding night.  Still don’t know why Wills insists on fixing my drink these days, the 1997 Volnay was tasting particularly acidic tonight.  But it knocked me right out and I feel lighter than air today.  So so in love with my prince charming!  I will be queen of the world!Kx

27th March 2011

Dear diary,

That Harry is a cheeky little devil!  Such a cunning linguist – “a low-key event at the Norfolk estate” – why yes, tell the press claptrap fodder!  Off with their heads!  Pippa will just die when I show her these pictures of the stag do.  I’ve always told her Wills and Harry are alike… Kx

11th April 2011

Dear diary,

Went for another dress fitting today.  It seems I’ve gained an inch of two around my tummy.  The dressmaker chuckled and asked if I’ve been overdoing it on the cake-sampling.  No I bloody have not.  How dare she accuse me of being fat?! Maybe there are more calories in marmite donuts than I first thought.  But surely fried pickles dipped in peanut butter can’t be that fattening?  Where are all these weird cravings coming from?  I’ll up the laxatives again and that should do the trick. Kx

28th April 2011

Dear diary,

Tomorrow’s the big day.  Smog’s still hanging low over London, damn these commoners and their exhaust pipes.  Why can’t they just use a security-escort service instead?  I hear those Rolls Royce vehicles are greener than ever, though I prefer them in black to match my Louboutins.  Speaking of, the heel of my Maudissimas snapped right off after I hurled them at the chef earlier.  That ignorant wop needs to start listening to me!  I specified I wanted the dessert listed on the menu as Bombe Glacee Princesse Katie, not Bombe Glacee Princesse Elizabeth.  And why can’t we serve marzipan sardines as a canapé? They sound delicious to me, though maybe I should cut back.  Tried on the dress again and it’s getting so tight, I don’t understand it.  Hopefully no one will notice my new piercings anyway (hope Wills likes them!), just what would dear Lizzie think?  And if she thinks those wretched little mutts are coming to the ceremony she has another thing coming.  I’ll sooner kick them down the aisle than have them piss all over my train!  Just wait till I’m on the throne.  Now I wonder where Harry is, a quickie before bed would be rather nice… Kx

BY JANETTE LOUGHLIN

“Rebecca Black, we don’t hate you because you’re famous. You’re famous because we hate you.” Charlie Sheen said this last week about Rebecca Black, the teeny bopper with the epic fail disguised as a pop track entitled ‘Friday’, which leads us to think about how many ‘celebrities’ have been created off the back of negative feedback?

BY CLAIRE WILLIAMSON

Rebecca Black is the obvious example at the moment, at the time of writing this her music video for ‘Friday’ on YouTube has over 86 million hits, granted most comments are not exactly praising her but compare that video with the number of hits on Queen’s ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’. This is arguably the best song of all time yet it has a significantly lower number of views at 46 million hits.

A similar example is what comes of the hopefuls – or hopeless – contestants of shows like the X Factor. A notable example of this is John and Edward, or Jedward as they are now affectionately called. The Dublin twins are now a household name who started off their career being slated by the entire country because they had even made it through the auditions to begin with. Had they done anything wrong? No, they simply entered the competition like everyone else and it was the public, the same public that hated and slated them, that voted to keep them in. Naturally, some of the top producers saw the controversy and went along with it and this generated lots of publicity for the show. People were soon tuning in to see the latest outrageous instalment of John and Edward. Their latest endeavour is representing Ireland in the Eurovision song contest. Perhaps Europe will be as taken by them as their loyal fans, a group large enough to fill the Waterfront Hall.

Perhaps the most annoying contributors to this group of ‘celebrities’ are Kerry Katona, Paris Hilton and co, who don’t appear to do very much yet always manage to appear in the headlines whether it be for good or bad. Therefore if they are always a story and people are talking about them then the repercussions are that there will be business opportunities, magazine interviews to set the story straight.

Ironically, we can also look at Charlie Sheen, who, despite making the comment about Rebecca Black, is not completely innocent with regard to profiting from negative publicity. The difference here of course is that he has had a creditable career, is a genuine comedic talent and the son of Hollywood royalty, but in saying that he has created a lot of bad publicity for himself lately due to wacky interviews. However, this has resulted in Sheen’s tour ‘My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is Not an Option’ being completely sold out as everyone wants to see him in real life.

The old phrase ‘all publicity is good publicity’ is clearly resonating true with the multitudes of ‘celebrities’ that are reaping the benefits of anything that is written about them. If this is the case then even this article will have proven Charlie Sheen’s comment even further.

Chris Brown’s F.A.M.E. entered the UK Album Chart on Sunday at number ten, while Yeah 3X has spent nine weeks in the Top 40 and will probably hang around like a fart under a duvet for a good while. This is a man who has been convicted of assault on Rihanna, a wife-beater you could say. Surely it’s in no way appropriate to buy any of his music?

BY BEN FINCH

Maybe everyone thinks enough time has passed since the incident, and that, as Brown’s previous album Graffiti tanked, then he’s been punished enough. Considering he never did any time for the assault, only receiving five years probation and some community service, he probably hasn’t.

And he doesn’t even seem particularly contrite about it all now. He blew up on Good Morning America when he was questioned about it. Like that’s never going to happen. His reaction shows that he is far more interested in the damage that hitting women has done to his career, rather than making amends.

It’s strange that domestic violence doesn’t seem to carry any consequences for Brown, or the many others who’ve been accused; David Hasslehoff, Eminem, James Brown, Sean Penn, Hillary Clinton… the list goes on. It must be representative of social attitudes to physical violence between couples. Bobby Brown and Ike Turner’s careers dying after they slapped their women around are unfortunately the exceptions rather than the rule.

It was only in 1976 that specific legislation was introduced to combat domestic abuse in the UK, toughened in 2004. According to Refuge, which supports victims of abuse, one woman is killed every three days by a current or former partner, one woman in nine will be the victim of abuse each year, and only 35 per cent of incidents are ever reported.

So, collectively, we still have a disgraceful attitude to what goes on behind closed doors. The problem is that, after an initial howl of rage, we don’t seem to care either about those cases that have been made public.

F.A.M.E. and the examples above show that those who have power and commit heinous crimes are able to carry on life as normal, after a brief period of contrition. If they had committed child abuse we wouldn’t let them off the hook so easily, so we shouldn’t for any other type.

It is not hard to imagine a breaking story that takes the world by storm. Every news channel, newspaper and their online contingencies are covering it. Everywhere you look people are talking about the current ‘hot topic’ but then, almost as quickly as it enters our lives it disappears again. Is today’s news becoming tomorrow’s fish and chip paper?

BY CLAIRE WILLIAMSON

We live in an age where we are governed by trend and phenomena, an era where our attention span is trained to look for the next exciting instalment of news. Nothing is shocking any more and as long as the news is not affecting us personally it is quite easy to move on from it and look for the next ‘terrible’ thing to happen.

A recent example of this is the humanitarian disaster in the Ivory Coast with more than 400 people dead and 500,000 fleeing the ongoing violence since the presidential incumbent Laurent Gbagbo refused to step down after losing the elections in November. This was breaking news and the devastation was on the lips of everyone worldwide, but after the recent disasters in Japan, the Ivory Coast took a back seat in terms of media coverage and government attention and support.

To put this in to perspective it is necessary to quote the facts in terms of figures. Less than £3 million has been pledged to a £10 million appeal for Ivory Coast, and, likewise, in a call for help from neighbouring Liberia it has only been funded by half. However the £10 million appeal for Japan’s Tsunami has been filled “almost instantly”, spokesperson Caroline Hurford said.

Chief Prosecutor Luis Moreno-Ocampo said when speaking to the BBC how it is vital that the same efforts are made in both Japan and continued support is given to the Ivory Coast. Therefore it is also essential that both are continued to be reported about and enough attention is given to them.

It is not a case of comparing and contrasting disasters like they are on some type of scale of importance. What is asked is that when a story is deemed newsworthy that it be followed out till the end rather than pushed to the side when something new comes in to focus. It is only by media coverage that the country’s can appeal and call for help from neighbouring countries; it is not only a means of relaying the information to the world.

Naturally, breaking news takes priority and that is what will make the headlines but it is vital that especially in such humanitarian stories there is a thorough follow up. When real people are involved can we really afford to let today’s news become tomorrow’s chip paper?

BY ROBERT MCGARRELL

MasterChef however I can comment on, after spending a couple of years working as a junior chef in restaurants in Belfast and across the water. The question most people want to ask upon hearing this is whether or not kitchens really work the way they seem on the telly. Do chefs really get that stressed out? Is the kitchen vocabulary only limited to expletives? MasterChef being pre-watershed, I find that one often sees a much calmer reflection on kitchen atmosphere than those that go on even in our local restaurants.

For instance, stories about the notorious Marco Pierre-White are told and retold in kitchens around the UK. One tale tells of a particularly bad night of service in his kitchen and at the end of the night he lined up all his chefs, took out a pair of scissors and cut off all the pony-tails that they were so fashionably wearing at this period in the 80s. I personally have been threatened, cursed at and even pushed and shoved. It comes hand in hand in a trade that remains usually hidden from the public and it’s perhaps why programmes like the relatively tame Hell’s Kitchen are watched with avid fascination.

However the flip-side of this is that MasterChef really does portray the strange highs and elations that one can feel after putting your all into food and cooking. The pressure and focus placed upon cooks and chefs in professional kitchens releases massive amounts of adrenaline and after a hard night’s slog you know that you can feel proud in a job well done. Even today when I watch the show I can understand the pressure, the excitement and the sense of achievement that the contestants feel and, crazy as it may seem, a small part of me wants to be back there sharing it with them.

The AV debate is one that is far more interesting and complex than the referendum would have you believe.  On 5 May when we vote it is to say “Yes” or “No” to switching to the alternative voting system. What this overlooks is the number of people who vote no but would like the voting reform to happen, those who vote yes but really just want anything but first past the post.

BY EMMA GALLEN

If the referendum was in the genuine interest in voting reform, but still wanting to keep it quite simple, there would be three choices: Yes to AV, Yes to FPTP and Neither. Instead the choices are “Yes switch to AV” or “No keep FPTP” without this being explicitly said. This isn’t the debate and neither of the two campaigners are even presenting it that way. The “No” campaign is scare tactics about how bad an STV system is, and the “Yes” campaign is all about how getting AV could be the next step to STV. All the rhetoric is based around the debate which politicians don’t want to happen: is STV a more fair system?

Without getting into the Stormont system, as it has too many measures to ensure that the minorities are represented, STV isn’t too bad. It is the system of the Republic of Ireland and, as we just witnessed, the biggest party can get voted out. Minorities like UKIP and the BNP may gain more seats in Britain but the question is, if people are voting for them, are we going to deny these people their right to vote for who they want?

As with the usual AV debate, I sidetracked onto STV. AV’s big selling point is that it is how the parties in Westminster chose their leaders. A simple decider for all Labour lovers to decide between yes or no to AV is whether you are happier with Ed Milliband having got in with his 50 per cent share, or would you have preferred Dave Milliband to be party leader, having received the most first choice votes?

On 5 May we will be asked whether we wish to change the system of voting MPs to Westminster. The question is whether we stick with first past the post the system we have used for centuries or adopt the alternative vote (AV) which is more proportionate. Proponents of this change maintain that it is a no-brainer to adopt a more proportionate and thus fairer system of voting. This is not strictly true as it can be argued that proportionate means of voting promote incompetence and stagnation.

BY ALEXANDER REDPATH

One of the reasons for our Stormont government never changing its face is our voting system. Proportional representation means that truly massive swings are required to affect any change in the Local Assembly. Some parties for example have been whipped out in Westminster which uses first past the post but have only lost one-third of their Stormont seats. That is why it concerns me that some propose to abandon first past the post in order to adopt an electoral system which insulates parties from swings in the electorate.

Proportional representation (PR) and the alternative vote (AV) share similar problems. They both lead to perpetual, weak coalition governments. They are both complex. They are both open to tactical voters and they open up the doors of power to minority parties who have no right to be there.

PR and AV lead to weak coalition government as they allocate seats proportionately to a party’s vote. This may sound fair but it inevitably leads to weakness. In our diverse society no party is ever likely to get 50 per cent of the vote and so form a majority government. This leaves us with a choice of whether to rely on a weak divided coalition or to arrange our system in a way that the biggest party earns the right to govern alone. When we compare the weak, divided, incompetent and unaccountable government of Northern Ireland to the UK Government I know which I would prefer.

PR and AV are also complex and expensive. Those of us who watched the coverage of the Republic of Ireland’s elections saw this in action. The Republic’s election took days to count with endless rounds of counting and recounting. The first past the post system takes hours to count and the morning after the election you know what your government is.

PR and AV are also susceptible to tactical voting. Under first past the post seats are allocated on the basis of who you trust to run the country. Under AV or PR hundreds of seats will be decided on the basis of second and third preferences. These aren’t votes in favour of a party or ideology, rather they are votes for the lesser of two evils. I would prefer a system which favours ideas and values than a system which aids miserable compromise candidates.

My final objection to PR and AV is that they give power to minority parties who have no right to be there. In PR governments are usually supported by minority parties often with lunatic political views. Under AV the government will be propped up by the Liberal Democrats. I hope you like the comparison. The Liberal Democrats have never won a parliamentary majority and I sincerely hope they never will. Under AV this minority party would never be out of government as they would always be relied upon to top up the governments majority. A vote for AV is therefore a vote for Nick Clegg’s permanent seat in government.

On 5 May I urge you to vote down AV. First past the post has served the UK well for hundreds of years and consistently returns strong united governments. Lunatic fringe parties are excluded. Governments are forced to appeal to a wide range of people across all areas of the country and ideology and principle are rewarded. I also urge you to begin to think how Northern Ireland can move beyond the shackles of the peace process in our system of government. Mechanisms like PR and mandatory coalition are anachronisms from the time when we really didn’t trust the other side in government. Reforms in these areas would show the maturity of our political system and give us a government that could actually make decisions instead of hiding behind sectarian vetoes.

It appears everyone in the world is talking about Rebecca Black’s song ‘Friday’. It’s received thirty million hits so far on YouTube, has reached number twenty-five in the iTunes chart and everyone’s united in derision of any merits it could possess. Despite this, Rolling Stone Magazine is praising it saying, “You immediately notice everything that it does “wrong,” but it actually gets a lot of things about pop music right, if just by accident.” It’s a fantastic parody of pop music today.

BY BEN FINCH

Black has beaten Janette Loughlin to being a “YouTube sensation” but the thing is, does anybody really want to be one considering the flack taken?  It’s come out that someone’s written a comment saying, ”I hope you cut yourself and I hope you get an eating disorder so you’ll look pretty. I hope you cut and die.” Lovely.  At what point exactly does a thirteen year old deserve to be told that?

On Facebook you would never see a comment like that, unless in jest, simply because peoples’ names are attached to what’s written.  You’re not going to write something blatantly offensive if it can come right back around and bite you on the arse.

Here at The Gown we receive complaints fairly regularly about abusive posts in the comments section. I haven’t read any quite as extreme as the one above but sometimes they are pretty close to the bone. The anonymity we provide allows people to say what they want and start debate on what (we hope) are important issues.

Would such debate stop if anonymity was removed or other safeguards were introduced to curb offending comments, or instead would it be enriched by those who dare to put their name to what they’re saying? Indeed, would it be anywhere near as much fun?

The Odyssey Arena will host this year’s MTV Europe Music awards. This is the first time the awards have been held in Northern Ireland and will see pop, rock and hip hop royalty grace the stage to perform, present and pick up awards.

BY CLAIRE WILLIAMSON

Last year’s event was held in Madrid and, hosted by Eva Longoria Parker, witnessed acts like Lady Gaga, Kesha, Justin Bieber, Thirty Seconds to Mars and Katy Perry all win awards. The awards also seen performances from artists like, Shakira, Rihanna and B.O.B feat Hayley Williams. Details of who will be hosting the this year’s awards and scheduled performances are yet to be disclosed.

It is a huge honour to host these awards and it will generate brilliant publicity for Belfast with a number of warm up gigs and events. The Lord Mayor of Belfast, Pat Convery said that, “The decision to host such a world class event in our city is an endorsement of what we have been saying for some time now. Belfast is a happening place.”

MTV have said that, “The home of such renowned artists as Snow Patrol and Van Morrison, Belfast has never been a stranger to a red-hot music scene and a vibrant nightlife. We think it’s the perfect backdrop for one of the world’s biggest nights in music and we can’t wait to take over the town!”

MTV, I think the feeling is mutual!

It’s that time of year again when inhabitants of Hollywood feast on diets comprising solely of green food, the sofa is substituted for the sun-bed, colonic irrigation becomes as frequent as yoga and dozens of identical statuettes are frantically polished gold. For the 83^rd year, Hollywood’s finest gather to honour the most talented, unique and deserving of the acting calibre. This year, a stammering king, a technology phenomenon and a disturbed ballerina are characters in the biggest drama of all: the Oscars.

BY CATRIONA BURNS

Organisers of the ceremony stipulate that the academy encourages excellence in filmmaking through a range of coveted awards, with the statuette a “symbol admired around the world – acknowledging the very highest level of achievement, every form of Academy recognition, be it a certificate, plaque or other form of trophy, carries significance like none other in the world of movies.” However, to what extent does the Oscars represent cinematic achievement and how much has it come to symbolize other more secondary matters over the years?

With celebrity culture becoming something of a phenomenon, focus is frequently diverted from on-screen dramatics to real life scandal. This year, attention will be generated towards two characters more hot-headed, outlandish and temperamental than any fictitious character on-screen. They are Harvey Weinstein and Scott Rudin, producers of two of the year’s most successful films, The Kings Speech and The Social Network. Both highly successful, both revered as two of the most accomplished producers of modern times, likewise both are widely feared for their infamous tempers and fits of hysterics. Competition is rife with these two producers: films that Weinstein or his companies have been involved with have won 63 Oscars whilst Rudin has had 13 Academy Award successes for his films. With the likelihood of the Oscar being awarded to one of these productions, a brawling scene of jealously, rage and ego-mania will inevitably constitute as the fight scene in the Oscar dramatics as it seems improbable that either of these candidates would comply with the accepting nod of the head, clapping and smiling graciously losing Oscar etiquette.

The speeches are perhaps the most highly anticipated or, in many cases, the most dreaded, element of the Oscars extravaganza. A-list stars gushing endlessly about their director, parents, the guy from Starbucks, their grandparents who couldn’t make it and the irreplaceable Bob the fish…essentially celebrities exhibiting their true idiotic selves, is cringing entertainment at its very best. The speeches act as a collage of dramatics: tear-jerking, funny, moving, political – every emotion the recipient can articulate amidst the spasms of uncontrollable sobbing and the sound of award music ushering the rambling idiot off the stage and back to their therapist. 2011 will only be the second year the committee has enforced the 45 second limit on the speeches, eliminating what co-producer Bill Mechanic termed as “the single most hated thing on the show.”  Predicted best actor winner, Colin Firth will undoubtedly deliver a speech of wit, gratitude and poise, adhering to the implemented rule. Predicted winner of Best Actress category is Natalie Portman. If her Golden Globes speech is anything to go by, (she thanked her parents for creating her and her partner for helping her to continue this great journey of life) then we’re in for a real sickeningly heart-felt treat.

Clothing is just as, if not more, important than the awards themselves. Valentino, Cavalli, Vivienne Westwood, Armani, etc. Ultimately, the Oscars are not just a showcase of dramatic talent; they are an exhibition of the world’s finest dresses and tuxedoes, making the world’s most beautiful beings even more gorgeously unattainable. Shock horror if anyone dared step beyond the designated designers deemed Oscar worthy or an unforeseeable disaster transpired in the form of two identical dresses. This year’s contest which sees aspiring designers competing for their dress to be worn at the ceremony highlights just how influential the Oscars are on not only the world of cinema but fashion also. The vivacity, character and at times lack of the clothes transforms the red carpet into the most diverse, controversial and relevant location for the year’s dramatics. It would seem that the 13 ½ inch gold encrusted Oscar would symbolize so much more than simply cinematic triumph.

Facebook is the only place you can talk to a wall and not be considered strange. In fact if you’re not on Facebook you’re frequently thought of as not a real human being and God forbid your status does not obtain at least 3 ‘likes’. Twitter, Myspace, Facebook and previously Bebo (RIP) have replaced phone calls and on many occasions actual human contact as human beings move further from the physical world into the virtual. We communicate more, we advertise and we have more opportunities for global fundraising.

BY SARAH LAVERTY

Some have condemned this recent trend, claiming that we have lost sense of reality. Frighteningly there are those who have replaced a call to 999 with a Twitter update. However, recently we have started to see that the impact social networking sites have had upon our world is profound, and often this impact can be used for good. Following the economic crisis many countries suffered hardships and when a corrupt government is added into the mix, the prevalence of poverty is phenomenal.

The twentieth century was no stranger to revolution but this generation has taken this one step further. In Tunisia protests organised online became a reality followed by video postings of the violence which attracted the attention of the international media. Egypt followed suit, even provoking the beginning of a ‘Virtual March’ on Facebook in which people from across the world sought to join in a demonstration of solidarity. This currently contains over 700,000 members. Despite the internet blackout the protests continued, proving that we do not simply rely on this technology but rather we know how to use it to the best of our ability.

The Internet has given a voice back to the people and social networking sites have given a model of a more equal society. A virtual democracy has become a reality.

…her very heart-pulse was arrested by the tone in which Mr. Thornton spoke. His voice was hoarse, and trembling with tender passion, as he said:

‘Margaret!’

BY ZOSIA KUCZYNSKA

BOOF! Out went the lights. At the Crucial Moment, the stupid techies had plunged me into the most untimely darkness I have ever had the misfortune to experience. I will admit to literally shrieking in rage and frustration as the culmination of hundreds of pages of Nothing Happening was most unceremoniously ruined by the soulless machinations of Modern Technology.

So I’m partial to a literary romance. Point taken.

But why? Why are so many of us so drawn in by these Book Lovers? Is it simply that we, too, are insanely repressed creatures who like to believe that, even after what feels like a lifetime of dancing awkwardly around the object of our hopeless affections, we can still have our Happy Ending? That indifference can be another word for love? Somehow I don’t think so – there comes a point when even the most delusional of Hopeless Romantics realises that said object is Just Not Interested, no matter how many times they reread Pride and Prejudice (which, incidentally, I loathe).

Nor do I think it’s to do with a desire to keep alive the old fiction, “true love conquers all”. It doesn’t. When all’s said and done, it wasn’t Romeo’s love for Juliet which finally stopped the Montagues and Capulets beating the proverbial out of each other, but the senseless obliteration of the younger generation; it wasn’t Rochester’s love for Jane which allowed them to live Happily Ever After but the convenient burning alive of his brutalised spouse; Lancelot and Guinevere ended their days apart and in religious orders, but not without having first played a fairly significant role in the total breakdown of an entire kingdom. (Okay, I admit the whole point of, say, the Harry Potter books is that love is just about the most powerful thing in the world, but J.K. wasn’t just talking about the kind of love a certain Miss Weasley had to offer our scarred, bespectacled hero.)

I have a theory – and it’s surprisingly devoid of look-at-me-I’m-a-bitter-single-on-Valentine’s-Day cynicism, so hear me out. What I think it all boils down to is simply being able to believe that, somewhere out there in the big, wide, apparently loveless world, there is someone you are destined to be with, forever and ever amen. And that’s very, very different to the vain hope that the object of one’s unrequited love will by some miracle turn out to be The One. You see, it’s not the actual stories which hold most sway when invoking all those famous romantic couples which span the long centuries of our literature. No, it is the inevitability, the very fatedness of the names of those characters as being paired for all eternity in our collective imaginations. So what if Cathy ended up in an early grave being straddled by a clearly unhinged Heathcliff? They were still Cathy and Heathcliff. So what if Edward and Bella are dreadful characters in a dreadful series of novels played by dreadful actors in dreadful film adaptations? They’re still…actually, no, I can’t quite bring myself to go through with that thought.

The point is, there are some truly beautiful love stories out there, and of course we will always cherish them. But when it comes down to it, I think what matters most is the idea that for every Celie there is a Shug Avery; that for every Constance Chatterley there is an Oliver Mellors; that for every Albus Dumbledore…well, you get the idea. Hell, I might as well say it – it might even be the case – be still, my cynic heart – that for every Zosia Kuczyńska there is in fact a…

BY CATRIONA BURNS

The opening track, ‘Beautiful Tonight’, establishes a slightly more up-tempo sound that runs throughout the album, most evident in ‘No One’s Gonna Sleep Tonight’, where the band’s usual romantically preoccupied lyrics are coupled with a more upbeat melody. These join ‘Difference in Me’ and ‘Tell Me it’s Love’ as the strongest tracks, again all retaining typical Westlife qualities but with a quicker and more experimental beat.

The closing track, ‘Too Hard to Say Goodbye’ is tremendously poignant and personable not least because it is sung, essentially, for two of the band members recently deceased fathers. The traditional Irish music that opens and closes the track only enhances its sentiment and raw emotion. It is a reminder of what Westlife do best; emotive, relatable, pure songs, with a good dose of lyrical Irish air. The title song from the album ‘Safe’ is descriptive of Gravity on the whole, but safe in this case was a wise choice. It will not earn them more fans but it will make their existing ones love them even more.

It begs the question: if the pencil pushers at Disney can’t seem to make visually breathtaking and universally enjoyable Narnia adaptations, then what makes the people over at 20th Century Fox think they can achieve a different result?

BY ANDREW MOORE

Set a year after the previous film, Prince Caspian, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader forgoes two of its main protagonists, Peter and Susan, to concentrate on their younger siblings Lucy and Edmund’s (George Henley and Skander Keynes) return to Narnia on an epic quest across the ocean, led by the newly crowned King Caspian (Ben Barnes). New additions to the cast include their bothersome cousin Eustace (Will Poulter) while everyone’s favourite on-screen geek, Simon Pegg replaces the brilliant Eddie Izzard as Reepicheep the mouse.

One of the few good things that can be said about the Narnia films, unlike the Harry Potter series to a certain degree, is that you don’t necessarily have to see the previous instalments to understand what’s going on. The work of C.S. Lewis can exist as stand-alone tales. That, however, doesn’t take away from the films – including this one – being so flat and mediocre.

Maybe it was the casting of the children, which didn’t work in the previous two films. Perhaps it was the overly colourful play-school sets, or, regrettably, it might well have been the source material now becoming slowly out-dated in an age of broodier tales such as Harry Potter, His Dark Materials and A Series of Unfortunate Events. Whatever the case, the Narnia movies just aren’t the overly pleasant cinematic experiences they could (and indeed should) have been with more passionate and committed film-makers at the helm than the man who gave us the hideous Bond film, The World Is Not Enough.

George Henley and Skander Keynes as Lucy and Edmund felt as though they were lifted straight from a slow and tedious ITV Sunday evening drama. While their on-screen cousin played by Will Poulter (credit where it’s due, he was excellent in Son of Rambow) came across more like a nagging old pensioner than a cynical 13 year old. Ben Barnes however fared much better in this film than his début appearance in the series, feeling much more at ease with the role of Caspian, having dropped the silly Spanish accent – even if it does open him to harsh criticism in regards to the Chronicles’ overall continuity.

Though director, Michael Apted, tried to be daring and ambitious with the fantastical settings and action pieces, the entire feature feels largely like it’s being held very tightly by a leash. Whether this is in regards to the film’s budget – greatly reduced since being dumped by Disney – or the lack of vivid detail into these moments through the original source material, I imagine few would really care. The CGI was second-rate and though I only saw it in 2D, I can’t imagine how being charged an extra five quid for a shoddy 3D conversion would raise my opinion any further (quite the opposite in fact).

The latest Narnia film to enter the much maligned series suffers the same shortcomings as its predecessors; not dark enough to match the brilliance of the later Harry Potter films; not even comparable to the awe-inspiring vision of Peter Jackson’s epic Lord of the Rings – not to mention if you’re of a certain belief that your skin might crawl at some of the less than subtle religious parables. I’m a fan of the books, I believe they’re some of the most beautifully written fantasy novels ever committed to paper, but it might be best for all concerned if the powers that be call time on these cinematic explorations into The Chronicles of Narnia for now. No good can come from them.